Childlike, not childish

While I will openly admit to acting like a kid frequently, I am still frustrated when I realise I actually acted immature. 

And so, I am frustrated about some of the events of this weekend.  I wish I knew how to grow up while maintaining my ability to still be like a kid.  The balance is hard to find.

Surrounded by Idols

Yesterday, I met up with my buddy Alex, and we were driving around
Irvine doing some quick errands, when, as usual, I brought up my
disillusionment of the California way. In the 'deep south' of
California, and especially in Orange County, I am just plain disgusted
with my surroundings. OC is full of people driving luxury cars, living
in huge houses, shopping in 'premium' stores and working in buildings of
architectural genius. I finally put words to what I felt as we breezed
down Jamboree--"I feel like I am surrounded by idols". Though he may
not get how much I despise the California way, one thing we agree on is
how wonderful it is to escape out of suburbia and into the mountains,
where man-made things have not yet drowned out God's creative beauty.
Even while surrounded by modern idols, no one was able to prevent the
clouds that brought a light rain, or the mountains to the east, standing
proud. But many people fail to appreciate the rain.

I loved Colorado rain. It slows life down, refreshes everything and
leaves behind crisp clean air. In California, it is unacceptable to be
slowed down, and we get stressed by the rain. This morning it took me an
hour to go 18 miles, mostly freeway, due to traffic and rain. And it got
me irritated. I hate who California makes me.

I wish God would invite me back to Colorado. . .but if not, please
remind me he knows best.

There Is A Way

I just found out tonight that Newworldson came out with a new album. . .months ago. I love Salvation Station and  just re-downloaded their music onto my phone.  And, tonight, I  found this song



You say love is just a word, just four letters in a row
Just a thing that people say or they never tell you so
And you use every excuse to let nobody in
Now this cloud you bring around has become your only friend

And everybody saying that it's going to go away but it don't go
And everybody's telling you one day it's going to change
But you don't know if it's really going to end

But there is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone
There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way

But if love became a man if the word had flesh and bone
Would you recognize His face if He came to bring you home?
You think you're all alone, gotta do it on your own riding solo
Is there someone you can call when you stumble and fall?
'Cause you don't know if you'll be getting up again

There is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone
There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way

Don't you think your life's worth saving?
Don't you know that love's amazing?
Don't you want to lay your troubles down?
Lay them down

If I thought love was just a word, I might feel the same way too
But there's so much more than that and it's waiting here for you

There is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone

There is a way, there is a way, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
Come on, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
There is a way, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)

There is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
Ooh, there is a way back home
(Truth and the life and the way)


It really is all about Jesus.

God Help Me

Man, this whole job search thing is wearying. 

I need a new job in a month. And hopefully a new state (COLORADO!)

But, I have no idea what will be going down at that time.

God keeps doing this. And while at some level, I trust, I still worry I will not find a job.

oy vey. 

I feel as if I have no home. I do not even seem to have a place where I have the most friends. Most of my Californian friends were lousy friends at best, and I am down to a few here, a few there.  I do not know where Jay will be in a year. I do not know where I am going to be in a year. I do not even know where I should try to go.

blah.

It is always at these times I seem to do spiritual spring cleaning. I try to shine up my heart because I want to be on a better level of understanding with God so I am more sensitive to his leading. How ridiculous, I should always be actively pursuing a greater degree of intimacy, but I get lazy. God help me.