I know I want to go back to Colorado Springs. Back to my old life? Maybe. I still do not know. I hate not knowing. But what I do know is that God has a plan. A good plan, better than any I could ever even begin to think of. And so, I wait. I trust him. Time after time, he has proven faithful; my loving father gives so much to me, even when my affections are not all his.
I know this feeling, the feeling that I do not want to spend another day in California. That I do not belong here, that I am unwelcome here. And despite a good deal of loneliness in Colorado, I miss it so. I miss the afternoon hikes when I was lost in my thoughts and felt so much closer to God. Life moves too fast here. Life costs too much here. Life takes too much out of me here. I miss the stillness of the mountains, and the clarity in the air. My soul and mind mirrored those characteristics.
I have a new passion, or rather, I have a name to my passion. I have always loved children, but now I have a way to best channel this desire. I know not in what capacity this shall be accomplished. I want again to be near Compassion. How great is it that they are based out of my favourite place on earth? I want to spend more time in their building, catching glimpses of what is going on there. I want to meet more people who work there. I want to hear more stories. My favourite reading material lately is contained not in a book, but in a blog. Compassion's blog. I love to read everything on there--the who's, how's, where's, why's, and when's. I have already read over 300 posts on there--I swear it is addicting. I love all the different styles of the various authors, but I have found that one in particular writes posts that I enjoy every time. There is something in what she writes that just resounds with me. I really want to meet this woman.
Anyway, this is just current life for me. Feelings that really are not that new. Just clearer.
No comments:
Post a Comment