Six Years

I was texting The Green Lantern today and he was saying how he wants to be married by the time he is 30 and I remarked that 6 years is a long time.

It really is. Six years ago, I was almost done with my freshman year.

At that time I had no idea that I would be graduating early, that I would go to Bible College, much less what would happen between CCBC people and I. Some things have been good; some bad. Though I spent just 4 months there, it had a much greater effect on my life than my 3 years at CCS. Sure, the people at CCS have had some effect on my life, but nothing like those from CCBC. Um wow, this is where I stop and say one of those people from CCBC is really distracting me at the moment. Wow, Jay, just wow.

I never thought that I would have left this place. I remember when my mom started talking about moving it went completely against my dreams of being at CCV forever. I love that church, and I did have trouble with church in Colorado. But, I was in Colorado, which seemed like the worst thing in the world to me when I was 14. I remember getting so upset when my mom was thinking about it. And now I can't wait to get back there.

I never expected that I would be a nanny and now I have discovered that I absolutely love it.

It really makes me wonder what the next 6 years will hold.

Dream for me

I had a dream last night. That things were ok between PB and I.

How I've wanted for it to be that way.

I cannot be the one to pursue though; I have to step back and NOT be the man in any of my dealings.

What a Scary Thing This is.

What a crazy thing it is. I didn't expect to fall in love. I didn't expect that his dreams would line up with mine.

What a difficult thing it is. This requires much patience. I want to rush it. I have to consciously remove myself, distance myself. Everything in me wants to try to take reign, to get things going my way, but I know that God has designed things differently. I don't initiate; I reciprocate. It is far from a lack of enthusiasm. Any female friend of mine knows I swoon like there is no tomorrow. Until I meet at the altar with the man I am to marry, I will remain reserved. It is out of love for this man and out of a necessary respect for myself that it is this way. Neither I, nor anything I have to offer comes cheap, but once the price is paid, it comes freely.

I know that love never fails, and I've had to face some hard possibilities, but I am resolved in my love, and though I may not be ready for trial, I know that God will give me the strength to love forever.

And so, I rely upon him and hope that I get my desired outcome, but even so, I trust that no matter what happens, he will carry me.

Work

Before I even speak, a lot of people know I'm a Christian. Or at least they know I have a "religious background." It's very interesting to see people's reactions to my resumé. I also have a 'googleable' name. And not on accident. I control what people see about me (with the exception of STUPID Flixster). When googled by either my first or middle name, my full legal name is discoverable, as are my commonly used usernames; thus my social networking sites are easily discoverable. People can also find out some of what I like, my work experience, volunteer experience, places I've lived, this blog, my activities, etc.

Sometimes work and religion can mix. That was my life in Colorado. Other times, I have to keep it quiet, in order to respect a parent's preferences for raising their children. With the exception of my job in Colorado, there isn't much conversation about my beliefs. I have had one employer who had VERY different beliefs tell me that she could tell I was a Christian because I was a good worker. Phew! So many times, it's like 'Christian' is a dirty word. I'm guilty of contributing to that. There have been times where people who knew my beliefs also saw the mistakes I made. Not good.

Should it not be that when someone sees what my beliefs are, they go, "oh a Christian, one of those people who is always kind, loves others, and who you can trust implicitly!" But no, instead people have to wait and see what I will do, because as far as they know, I'm just as bad as everyone else. Christians steal, lie, cheat, are rude, crude, unloving, etc. It shouldn't be so. If we are going to attach the name of Jesus to ours, should we not make it apparent through actions that we are indeed affiliated with him? I have to admit that I have been lazy at work sometimes. That's not good either. Sometimes work is hard or I'm not feeling well, etc, but I should still be known for my good work ethic, my reliability, and of course, for being trustworthy, joyful, and honest.


Bondservants(employees), obey in all things your masters(employers) according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men (Colossians 3:22-23)



Again, self, stop complaining. Just don't do it.


PS--why do we trust implicitly, and not explicitly? they're opposites, yet they can both mean unreserved?? what the heck is wrong with english??