More observations on the Cr-48

Well we all love the nice rubbery feel of this computer. . .buuuuut. . .I have had it a week and it is already peeling off on the corners.  If this computer was to go to market with a similar feel, it would need to be far more durable.  


Also, I am having problems with some delays. As in Welby is freezing for a few seconds. Oh great. Just like my other computer (both XP and Ubuntu do that a lot it seems)


I still do not find much use for the search button, as I am in the habit of using Ctrl+T.  Still, I have not missed Caps Lock, so I may find it has slightly more value to me. Kudos on allowing me to change as needed.


The battery life is spectacular.  I charge my computer overnight and it is ready to go all day.  I don't use it constantly, but I use it frequently for a quick Google search.  (I am known to say "here let me just google it real quick" ALL the time).  I dread the day when the battery starts to last just an hour or two.


I find I still really like this computer, but I have found it so necessary to my life that I have to have it. Unless, of course, it was REALLY cheap and would save me having to upgrade my primary computer.

Cr-48 Trackpad: FAIL

Google, you did great with some of the trackpad features.  Love the idea. It would be nice to have more features like the Magic Trackpad .  But when it comes down to using the trackpad. . .

Honestly, the copy/paste sucks. I hate it.  So difficult to get it just right.

Two finger scrolling is nice. Tends to work, except when the trackpad is PMSing which seems to happen frequently.

And Google Maps--the pinch-to-zoom does not work (at least not well enough to use). Your own site, with your own computer, and it drives me crazy. Please work on that.

As I mentioned, some more features would be nice--like 3 finger web navigation. sure there are buttons for it, but I am lazy and do not wish to move my hand.

If a similar computer is to hit the market, I would hope it has a much smoother trackpad with a few more features.

Thoughts on the Cr-48

About a week and a half ago, I received an email from Google where they reminded me that some time in the past I indicated interest in the Chrome project. I really did have interest in it--I showed this to my friends with a great deal of enthusiasm late last year.

And then I waited. and waited. WHEN CAN I GET ONE?!?!?!

Apparently while cyber-stalking Google, I told them I would be interested in learning more about Chrome OS. I later forgot. But they didn't! I got an email while I was in NYC last week, informing me that I was eligible to receive the new Chrome netbook as part of their pilot program, so of course I signed up ASAP. When I finally made it back to Mom's house this weekend, there was a large box waiting for me. I could not for the life of me remember ordering anything recently, so I tore it open wondering if someone accidentally sent me toys for Christmas--after all what else could come in a box like this?

When I opened it up and realised what it was, I walked around saying Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh over and over.  My cat and dog looked at me like I was crazy. 

Well enough about the excitement, and time for the good stuff--what's the big deal about the Cr-48 (to be referred to as Welby)?

I love it.  Would I spend a couple hundred bucks on it [as-is]?  No.

Here's why--

1)  

I don't spend a lot of money on new toys. As much as I love playing around with grown up toys (and some kid toys), I rarely spend the money on the latest technology.  My [former] primary computer is over 4 years old, falling apart, and barely working, but as long as I think I can fix it inexpensively I will not spend the money on a new one.  Despite the Cr-48's  limited functionality, I believe it will be my primary computer, even after I spend the time to repair Walter, my POC Dell.

2)

Printing.  Ok Google Cloud Print works if you have a working Windows PC, but Walter's not liking Windows at the moment, and I am only able to use Wubi with it.  So how are Linux or Mac users supposed to do this?  

3) 

Lack of Customisation. I LOVE customising little things.  Like telling my computer not to sleep when I close the lid because I am using it to listen to music. Or telling it how long to stay awake. And I most definitely wish I could put the clock in 24 hour time. 

I really love my Cr-48.  While it has some little issues and some things that need to be fixed, I could see purchasing it if I liked spending my money on technology instead of just drooling over it.  For people who actually do find it worth the money to have a handy secondary computer that is quick, easy to use, and very portable, I would recommend the Cr-48. I have toted Welby around with me all day, showing people my cool new toy, and now at nearly half past 6, the battery is still more than half charged.  With Walter, the battery, a fairly new replacement, lasts only a few hours--making the charger a necessary item if I wish to do more than send a few emails. More thoughts will be posted soon as Welby and I get to know each other.

P.S. I give all my electronics male names beginning with W (except my graphing calculator, but Stephen was a loaner ). Maybe it's crazy, but I feel that my car, William, responds well when I talk to him by name, as does Walter.  I finally settled on Welby today for my Cr-48, after a few times when I felt it needed some encouragement to cooperate.

Next Time

Started out this Sunday on my face again pushing in
And wasn’t it MC Hammer who said, “We have to pray just to make it through the day”
I never get tired of believing you, I never get tired of trying to break through, I just get tired of myself sometimes
It’s so easy to be human, it’s so easy to make excuses, but the simple truth is,
I was too scared of intruding
These are people’s lives you’re playing with, He said.
Every time you get a bit scared you let another one slip through the net, He said
They need me more than you need to be comfortable
He said stop listening to your head, and listen to me
Your mind doesn’t understand the things I see
Next time, next time, next time
Listen to me
My voice should be louder than your reasoning, your reasoning, those human things…

Cause if I don’t go when you say go, if I don’t speak when you say so
We might find that we’ve run out of ways to see the world around us change
If I don’t move when you say move, cause I don’t trust what you told me to do
It might never come around again
Next time, I’ll do it your way

You never know where the spirit has been whispering at night
You never know where the angels have been putting up a fight
We cannot see with our own eyes, everything is organized
We can only hear when it’s our turn to go switch on the light
Listen to me
Your mind cannot understand the things that I see
Next time, next time, next time
Listen to me
Cause my voice should be louder than your reasoning, your reasoning, those human things


These are people’s lives you’re playing with, He said
And every time you get a bit scared, you let another one slip through the net, He said
They need me more than you need to be comfortable
He said, stop listening to your head…

Unashamed

I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit
Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has
been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow
down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense,
and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight
walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions,
mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or
popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised,
regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by
patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my
way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.
I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted,
or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the
presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the
pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed
up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a
disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop,
preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My
colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the
power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.." (Romans 1:16)

Childlike, not childish

While I will openly admit to acting like a kid frequently, I am still frustrated when I realise I actually acted immature. 

And so, I am frustrated about some of the events of this weekend.  I wish I knew how to grow up while maintaining my ability to still be like a kid.  The balance is hard to find.

Surrounded by Idols

Yesterday, I met up with my buddy Alex, and we were driving around
Irvine doing some quick errands, when, as usual, I brought up my
disillusionment of the California way. In the 'deep south' of
California, and especially in Orange County, I am just plain disgusted
with my surroundings. OC is full of people driving luxury cars, living
in huge houses, shopping in 'premium' stores and working in buildings of
architectural genius. I finally put words to what I felt as we breezed
down Jamboree--"I feel like I am surrounded by idols". Though he may
not get how much I despise the California way, one thing we agree on is
how wonderful it is to escape out of suburbia and into the mountains,
where man-made things have not yet drowned out God's creative beauty.
Even while surrounded by modern idols, no one was able to prevent the
clouds that brought a light rain, or the mountains to the east, standing
proud. But many people fail to appreciate the rain.

I loved Colorado rain. It slows life down, refreshes everything and
leaves behind crisp clean air. In California, it is unacceptable to be
slowed down, and we get stressed by the rain. This morning it took me an
hour to go 18 miles, mostly freeway, due to traffic and rain. And it got
me irritated. I hate who California makes me.

I wish God would invite me back to Colorado. . .but if not, please
remind me he knows best.

There Is A Way

I just found out tonight that Newworldson came out with a new album. . .months ago. I love Salvation Station and  just re-downloaded their music onto my phone.  And, tonight, I  found this song



You say love is just a word, just four letters in a row
Just a thing that people say or they never tell you so
And you use every excuse to let nobody in
Now this cloud you bring around has become your only friend

And everybody saying that it's going to go away but it don't go
And everybody's telling you one day it's going to change
But you don't know if it's really going to end

But there is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone
There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way

But if love became a man if the word had flesh and bone
Would you recognize His face if He came to bring you home?
You think you're all alone, gotta do it on your own riding solo
Is there someone you can call when you stumble and fall?
'Cause you don't know if you'll be getting up again

There is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone
There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way

Don't you think your life's worth saving?
Don't you know that love's amazing?
Don't you want to lay your troubles down?
Lay them down

If I thought love was just a word, I might feel the same way too
But there's so much more than that and it's waiting here for you

There is a way, there is a spark
There is a hope that you can hold on to
There is a lifeline come to the rescue
Just like a hand that's waiting for you
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone

There is a way, there is a way, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
Come on, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
There is a way, there is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)

There is a way
(Truth and the life and the way)
Ooh, there is a way back home
(Truth and the life and the way)


It really is all about Jesus.

God Help Me

Man, this whole job search thing is wearying. 

I need a new job in a month. And hopefully a new state (COLORADO!)

But, I have no idea what will be going down at that time.

God keeps doing this. And while at some level, I trust, I still worry I will not find a job.

oy vey. 

I feel as if I have no home. I do not even seem to have a place where I have the most friends. Most of my Californian friends were lousy friends at best, and I am down to a few here, a few there.  I do not know where Jay will be in a year. I do not know where I am going to be in a year. I do not even know where I should try to go.

blah.

It is always at these times I seem to do spiritual spring cleaning. I try to shine up my heart because I want to be on a better level of understanding with God so I am more sensitive to his leading. How ridiculous, I should always be actively pursuing a greater degree of intimacy, but I get lazy. God help me.

Another "Compassion Friend"

On Monday, I got to meet this awesome young woman, Meredith, who works for Compassion.  I first became aware she existed in reading her posts on the Compassion Blog. I really liked the way she wrote, and every time I read one of her posts, it seemed something just 'clicked'. Then, I discovered her personal blog as I continued my project of reading the Compassion blog chronologically. Again, I saw she is someone who seems to be reading my mind.  So I told Gayle I wanted to meet her, and I did!  I got to spend a few minutes talking to her until Elarie started crying (oops!).  She is just a few years older than I and it was great to see where God has placed her.

Anyway, it was really cool to meet her after finding her online. Usually when I find a cool blog, I just have e-communication with the author, if any at all.

P.S. I think I should just refer to all the Compassion people I talk to as my "Compassion friends". So if you hear it, I mean people who literally work at that big building on Voyager, not just people who have compassion. But just because "Compassion" and "friends" are labels for my blog posts, it does not mean I can really label this "Compassion". uh, Ima go sleep now, I think I am rambling.

I Hopped on a Jet to Colorado. . .And a New Way of Living

My extreme desire to go back to Colorado fuels many thought that evolve
in to posts, so as I am flying over canyons to go visit my beloved
Colorado, I write.

Have you ever grown so tired of something that you can bear it no longer
and are desperate for a change?

That happens to me a lot. School. Home. California. Complacency.

Maybe even the US. I would like to state how I hope to be stationed in
another country (not a super hot one though) if Jay and I marry.

I got so sick of school. I graduated early, piddled around in college,
and at 18 said goodbye to school.

I got sick of being a kid in my mom's house. So, 2 weeks after my 18th
birthday, and 3 years ago today, I moved out. I wanted to break away and
develop myself into an adult. Still not there yet. Check back later,
although I make no guarantees.

I became utterly disillusioned with California. The
California way sickens me. The weather nearly drives me to insanity. So
at . . .you guessed it, 18, I moved to Colorado. I could say I never
looked back, but maybe I did just a teensy bit.

And then, guess what. That is right, God dragged me, kicking and
screaming (in my heart) back to California. But not before He opened my
eyes to a huge problem in the world.

He taught me to fight against a static life, and then showed me a huge
problem that stayed hidden in the darkness of complacency. It was time
to really go dynamic.

See, social sciences were pretty far down on the list of tolerable
classes. I did well, but rarely enjoyed those classes. How can you call
history a science anyway? But even if I was like my Uncle Ben, this cool
20 year old guy who knows his history, I doubt I would have been
prepared for reality. I never understood why I should care who Abraham
Lincoln's wife was or why four score and seven years before our fathers
brought forth upon this continent a new nation. Okay well maybe it is
important how and why America was borne, but why did I have to memorise
a speech about it?

What made sense to me, though, was dealing with the present. Maybe not
half the hullabaloo in Government, and most definitely not that super
boring economics class, but, to be honest, despite my dislike of
Economics and my indifference toward Government, they are relevant. Of
the seven classes I took for social sciences in junior high and high
school, why were five history and two current? Does the past matter that
much?

I do not see how knowing so much about when supposedly cavemen moved to
Africa matters, when today in Africa, hundreds of children are dying
hourly of preventable causes. Seriously, why should I give a rat's booty
about cavemen? HELLO, kids dying!! That is just not right.

So, while I could continue to complain about those government people
who do not get economics themselves, and force us to learn so much
history, I am kinda done with that. I acknowledge that history has its
place as a lesson for the future. But we are writing some really bad
history books today. I wonder if (providing the rapturist does not
snatch his people up [sorry if you do not get it]) we would be
considered as barbarians because of the way our society as a whole does
next to nothing to fight the nastiness of poverty. Sure, there are
people who help. Some do what they can. But those who can do more,
largely do not.
Here comes an illustration--imagine you find out your child has a brain
tumour and is plagued by severe headaches. You could give him some
Advil, and maybe alleviate some of the pain, but there is no way on this
earth you would stop there. If you know he has a problem bigger than
your over-the-counter medicine's abilities, you are going to go to a
doctor who can do more. Deadly diseases require radical treatment.

There are many who do what they can to help with the symptoms of
poverty, but the evilness of poverty is a beast that cannot be conquered
alone. It is imperative that we go to those with more authority, whether
it is the individuals in the spotlight or the masses. Either way, we
must persist until the proper treatment is administered to fight this
deadliness.

And we must not fail to remember that poverty is a result of sin. Not
that people in poverty are at fault, but because there is sin in the
world, Satan has power. Poverty is not eliminated solely with money. The
hope is that we share the hope in Jesus Christ.

I refuse to be complacent in what is, by comparison, an easy life. I am
tired of living for myself, and I know that there is something greater
out there. I have developed a worthy passion. And it all began with
those boring classes (especially history). I learned in all my
disillusion and subsequent changes how to go about seeking something so
much bigger. I hope to find others who will join me. But dropping out of
college and moving to Colorado are not necessary--it is the spiritual
changes that are necessary, and for people like me, the physical ones
add to the excitement.

Now, excuse me while I gaze out the window at the canyons of Utah (?)
below.

Things I learned. . .

As if there is anyone who does not know, I sponsor a Compassion kid.  His name is Tamirat, and he lives in Ethiopia.  He is about my age (just 3 months younger). The cool thing about Compassion is they do not just ask for your money and leave you in the dark.  They want you to know about their programs, to know about the child you sponsor, and about his/her culture.  I wanted to know about Ethiopian culture and have a reference of things to talk about.  In reading Compassion's info about Ethiopia, and with a quick visit to Wikipedia, I learned some new things about Ethiopia:

• Their new year is September 11, my birthday :)
• Amharic, a semitic language, is the official language
• Addis Ababa is the capital
• Ethiopian cuisine does not have pork because of religious influence 
• Ethiopian cities are largely at high elevations, many higher than Colorado Springs (>6000ft), where Compassion's headquarters are. 
• Ethiopia is one of the oldest countries in the world (question--are any other Compassion countries mentioned in the Bible?)

All of these are off the top of my head.  

I learned about Africa in 7th grade--a full 9 years ago.  Of course, I remember very little, even about the Congo, which I wrote a report on.  But Compassion, by way of their blog and other media, has really helped to get me out of my American box.  In 7th grade, Mrs. Whitmire was teaching us geography and history, but a middle school World History class does not teach the true state of the world.  I am so much more educated in reality by Compassion.  I love knowledge; I  love information--I have been called a walking concordance, a walking dictionary, and a walking encyclopedia.  And yet, I do not watch the news (seriously, I do not have TV, and only read news on Facebook). I believe I know more about the state of the world than your average American.  The world is getting smaller, and it would seem we would be more aware of what is going on, yet I am astounded by the level of ignorance my peers have (and that I used to have). 

I would be interested to see what other people learned about their kid's country--comment below if you have anything cool that you learned

Colorado Again

I have bought tickets to go visit Colorado. Super excited about that, more so than turning 21.


I still hope to be living there come November. Seems time is running out. Yesterday, I went back to see when I responded to Gayle's posting looking for childcare. Just five weeks before she hired me. In five weeks my life went from going nowhere fast to working for the coolest people ever. And I really miss that job. I find it hard to believe God called me back to California, since it seems to have been disaster after disaster, but thanks to old writings, I am reminded that he gave some pretty darn convincing reasons.

Had I not worked for Gayle, I would not be a Compassion sponsor today. Compassion is not just some organisation I send some money to every month. By this ministry, I have become more educated about the state of the world and I have learned so much more about the love of God. I actually care about strangers.

sigh. . .I do truly believe being back in Colorado Springs would be right. Not fully sure why.

This life is so crazy, and I have no idea what the next year holds. Heck, I do not even know what the next two months have in store for me. But I do know one thing. Whether I reside in Colorado again or not, those 16 months were some of the best in my life, and have changed me for good. As in both beneficially and permanently.

P.S. If you click the first place I mention Gayle, you can read the cool stuff she wrote on the Compassion blog.

Apply

Today, after completely redoing my resume, adding a cover letter, and a list of references, I have applied at Compassion International.

Will I get the job? Definitely not by qualification alone.
The only chance I have is if God wants me to have that job. I want it, definitely.

But it is time to just trust.

Compassion only interviews on average about 1 out of 12 people that apply. I wonder how many they hire?

I trust that God has perfect timing, and the perfect place. I have been looking very little in areas other than Colorado Springs. It seems that he was letting me know that is where I will be. Why keep looking in Denver if I know God wants me in the Springs?

I Try

It was at the Lyricist Lounge 3, hosted by P4CM, that my need to speak life was realised.

I gained some understanding that night, and while my fickle heart still finds ways to force emotion upon me, I know better.

When someone does something against you, it hurts. When they are an intimate friend, it does not just hurt, but it kills. It kills something inside of you. Things can never be the same. How do you forgive the one who repeatedly spit in your face? Not by your own power, that is for sure. I am afraid to say I forgive, because I still feel the hatred sometimes. Forgiveness is final, and my attempts have been anything but. It is not to be based on the recipient, but I feel so unforgiving when they are so unlovable. Quite a dilemma I have. One thing, though, I can say--I try.


"regardless of who disrespected, rejected, or neglected you, slept with you. . .physically or spiritually molested you. . .despite what they did against you, if you take two seconds and think about how you've offended God, it should make you understand how much you deserve death just as much as they do. . .so if they hurt you, let them know, speak forgiveness, let it go, cuz my brethren you should know holding a grudge is the same as holding a gun." ::ezekiel azonwu::

A Step of Faith

Today I met a new girl at church through someone else I know. We got to talking, and she really got me to thinking.

I told her about my desire to get back to Colorado Springs. This is not the first time I have felt so strongly about this city. And I told her about the position I found on Compassion's website. She told me to go for it.

She recently was hired as a preschool teacher with no ECE credits. That is unheard of around here. Turns out, some companies value a devotion to Christ more than a perfect resume.

And with her encouragement, I am going to apply for this position.

And pray. How I would love to work for Compassion. I never thought I would see a job opening that I could qualify for. I barely make this one, but I have a God bigger than anything.

How Two People Changed the Future

Two sponsors changed the lives of two children and ended the line of poverty. Wow, that is success. I doubt our welfare program works that well

http://blog.compassion.com/poverty-stops-here/

1,000 Thanks

A thousand thanks for a thousand gifts.

Every good and perfect gift comes from above

1. life. I have almost 21 years. And no matter how many days I have here, I have a sure future in heaven

2. love. How can I ever fathom the love of Christ? it simply amazes me

3. Colorado. most beautiful place. I cannot wait to be back. I feel so near to God when I am there.

4. Jay. I dream of marrying this man.

5. grey. Grey makes me happy. The grey of a stormy day, the grey of the ocean. The grey of Jay's eyes.

6. Pibbsy. Ribbon is my kitty that I have had for most of my life. <>

7. Compassion International. Seriously, they make it a lot easier for me to obey God and love all his people, even on the other side of the world!

8. Worship music. Best cure for depression! Right now, this

• Hosanna by Starfield

among other Starfield and Jeremy Camp songs

9. Pastor Rob. seriously, Calvary Chapel Vista is blessed with a great pastor.

10. my family. They are a big part of who I am.

On Josiah

Here we go--another post in which I bring Compassion up!

Two posts ago, I mentioned Josiah's success with regard to his standing up for the poor and needy.

Get this--Josiah did not just stand up for the 'little guy', but he was one! Too often we ignore the potential that children have. This potential is not to do great things 20 years from now, but to do great things TODAY. Josiah was just 8 years old when he commenced his reign as king of Israel, and by the close of his twenties, he had brought his nation back to the worship of the true and living God. Josiah did not even make it to 40--he was just 39 when he was wounded and died. Yet in the time of his life cut short he accomplished so much and had the honour of being part of the line that would bring to us Messiah!

Now, can we even, if by none other than selfish reasons, afford to let children continue to suffer so? Can we really let 1,000 children under the age of 5 die EVERY HOUR of preventable causes?

Today's link is not the main Compassion page. Check out the Child Survival Program

In the name

Jason Duff spoke at CCV last week, and one thing he said really clarified something for me.

he said that "in the name of Jesus" means "in the nature of Jesus"

Does that not give a clearer meaning to Compassion's tagline--"releasing children from poverty in Jesus name"? Is it not just doing good work and talking about Jesus, but doing it in the nature of Jesus? And we know Jesus=God and God=Love; thus could we not say Jesus=love? Yes, it is love that motivates. The motivation Christ had while breathing his dying breaths. The motivation we are to have as we lay down our lives (much less our time and money) to release children from the evilness of poverty.

And love. . .well. . .refer to 1 John or 1 Corinthian 13 among other things, of course :)

Know God

I looked up Jeremiah 22:16 in 19 English versions, 2 French, and 1 Italian. In doing so, I realised I do not know Italian as well as I should. Regardless, by the non-English translations, I noted again what English lacks--description.

I settled on the Amplified version--He judged and defended the cause of the poor and needy; then it was well. Was not [all] this [what it means] to know and recognize Me? says the Lord.

The one element that the Amplified version portrays more clearly is that of recognising God. To recognise God is to realise who he is. When one realises His sovereignty, one acts accordingly. In standing up for the poor and needy, Josiah was recognising God. As I mentioned before, English lacks description. In the French and Italian versions, the words used for know are similar. All 3 versions used a word for know that came from the Latin cognōscō. In French and Italian, there are also words translated as know that stem from sapere. Sapere means to have knowledge of , however, cognōscō means to know personally. Thus, we see that in his deeds Josiah did not just know of God, but he knew God.

So I wonder, could we interchange these phrases. Instead of saying, "I know God", could you say, "I judged and defended the cause of the poor and needy?"

Because it appears that if you can say the latter, you can say the former.

And so, here is my opportunity to say that a great way to defend the cause of the poor and needy is to sponsor a child through Compassion. And no, I have no affiliation with them other than that I sponsor a child through their program. I talk about Compassion so much because I am a huge fan of their ministry. Compassion is my proper noun of choice when it comes to charitable giving.

I Will Say it Again

Colorado. I want nothing more than to be there. But I have a peace as I have resigned myself to God's timing. Not sure if I could say I have completely resigned myself to his will if I am to be some other place. I have no answer from the family I wish to work for again. That is ok. If I do not hear from them by some point (this point I do not know), I intend to seek other opportunities, but I can say without any hindrance that I have gotta be in Colorado.

Right now my friend Alex is in the mountains to evade the distractions of this life. I envy him. In California, you actually have to go away to do that. In Colorado, you drive 10 minutes, park, and start walking. For a while last summer, I would hike in Ute Valley Park just before dusk. The day was fading, the temperature had fallen, and it was quiet. With Bono by my side, I would take off down the path, wandering through the park. I loved to go to the top of the bluffs, and look down the other side. With just the sound of my feet, Bono's tags clinking, and the scampering of squirrels in pine needles, I felt so free of distraction. Even with a full parking lot, I would run into few people. I miss those daily times alone with God in my thoughts.

Almost by Ezekiel Azonwu (transcription included)

one of the most dangerous terms in English diction

if it could be translated into audio it would sound like

pbb-bb-bb-bb from the saxophone of Lisa Simpson

two words designed and strategically combined

to form the biggest oxymoron in the history of mankind

ALL-MOST

But see, as far as the world's concerned, you could live your life vile

and could almost get away with murder if you had a nice smile

you could almost meet folks just to almost sleep around

and stop at your local clinic while you almost had a child.

see, 'almost' is no stranger to Satan. Here's proof:

he only tells lies when they're almost the truth

and it's amazing in our incompleteness we find complacence

but if almost is one of Lucifer's many traits

then we are inadvertently good Satan impersonations

But on the contrary, Christ did his job fully

and he proved he was God when he died on the cross like it was his duty

and to pardon my iniquities that I commited rudely

he resurrected from the grave just to tell death to excuse me

but excuse me, this is your life and that's something I can't impose on

but your body is God's home which was alone about to get forclosed on

See, an almost Christian looks right but lives wrong

Can't stand the conviction in Romans so they sit down to be comforted in Psalms

Never understood worship but loved to sing songs like I surrender all. . .MOST

Cuz it's far to expensive to spend your life on something that doesn't appeal to your five senses

see, nowadays, Christianity is like a Louis rag--

no function or use but we just rock it cuz it's stylish

not righteous, but right-ish

So now all God sees is a pile of ISHmael's when he intended for Isaac's

And we're moved by how we feel so we're saved when we feel like it

so technically we've never really been saved we merely tried it.

So no wonder why we're never sold out when we return it after we buy it

Let me break it down because you need to beware

that your life could lack the very standards that need to be there

Cuz on that final day of judgment while God's receiving his heir

will he say, Son, well done or [spits] medium rare!

Cuz even by earthly standards it would be highly insane

to start spending all of your money days before you almost get paid

like parents, you wouldn't send your kids to a school that's almost safe

and ladies, would you really date a man who claims he's almost straight?

and this is the very thing about God that we all try to get around

but his standards are like between two mountains--no middle ground

so a halfway life is unprofitable to you

cuz after all the Sunday service, Bible studies, and prayer meetings

and everything that goes between, God will say I never knew you

But that's not even the worst part of living your life as neutral

it's that you were once arctic but it is your lukewarmness that is causing him to spew you

and this is the very thing that had me

I was bound and held down by the unforgiving gravity of my spiritual reality

I was a Christian, or at least I portrayed the fantasy

With a filthy personal life but a "God bless you brother, how you doin' sister?" personality

I was a male enveloped by guilt because I was stamped a sinner

My message couldn't be received because I didn't represent the sender yet I was almost delivered

Till that one day when I totally, absolutely and completely surrendered

I took heed to a modern prophet who proclaimed it was time for change

now I'm no longer bound to sin point-blank off the chain

You can ask Umar Abdul Mutallab, he'll tell you the same--

you don't almost go to jail when you almost blow up a plane

like you don't almost go to hell when you almost get saved

despised the cross that he was slain and thus the cause for which he came

but don't worry i'm almost done, but before i leave this stage

we have all worked in sin and death was minimum wage

but if it wasn't for Christ we would have almost got paid

transcribed by annabelle minturn

A Sense of Urgency

Yet again I find a sense of urgency. I MUST get out of here.

I know I want to go back to Colorado Springs. Back to my old life? Maybe. I still do not know. I hate not knowing. But what I do know is that God has a plan. A good plan, better than any I could ever even begin to think of. And so, I wait. I trust him. Time after time, he has proven faithful; my loving father gives so much to me, even when my affections are not all his.

I know this feeling, the feeling that I do not want to spend another day in California. That I do not belong here, that I am unwelcome here. And despite a good deal of loneliness in Colorado, I miss it so. I miss the afternoon hikes when I was lost in my thoughts and felt so much closer to God. Life moves too fast here. Life costs too much here. Life takes too much out of me here. I miss the stillness of the mountains, and the clarity in the air. My soul and mind mirrored those characteristics.

I have a new passion, or rather, I have a name to my passion. I have always loved children, but now I have a way to best channel this desire. I know not in what capacity this shall be accomplished. I want again to be near Compassion. How great is it that they are based out of my favourite place on earth? I want to spend more time in their building, catching glimpses of what is going on there. I want to meet more people who work there. I want to hear more stories. My favourite reading material lately is contained not in a book, but in a blog. Compassion's blog. I love to read everything on there--the who's, how's, where's, why's, and when's. I have already read over 300 posts on there--I swear it is addicting. I love all the different styles of the various authors, but I have found that one in particular writes posts that I enjoy every time. There is something in what she writes that just resounds with me. I really want to meet this woman.

Anyway, this is just current life for me. Feelings that really are not that new. Just clearer.

Bailout Plan by Tim Glenn

“It’s extraordinary to me that the United States can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire G8 can’t find $25 billion dollars to save 25,000 children who die every day from preventable diseases.” –Bono.

I don’t mean to make light of the current economic crisis in the United States, but there’s a part of me that wonders if we don’t deserve this.

As a country, we have been getting fat and lazy while two thirds of the world struggles just to stay alive. Not all of us, mind you, but collectively — as a country — we’re complaining not because we can’t survive but because our luxuries cost us more than we want to spend.

We want cheap gas and “affordable” four-bedroom homes. We want 200 channels on television and to be able to go out to eat two or three times a week.

As Americans, many of us believe we deserve those things. There’s a sense of entitlement. Meanwhile, on the other side of this tiny little planet of ours, someone is praying, pleading to God for a slice of bread.

So our government is working on a bailout plan. How can we maintain the “American way of life” without suffering the consequences of our decisions? A loan. We’ll loan ourselves money and turn a blind eye to the root causes of greed and selfishness.

We do that so well, don’t we? We attack problems by trying to change the circumstances, instead of battling the root causes. I know I’ve done it in my own life, so this is as much an indictment on me as it is on anyone else.

Then I start to think about the poor.

What is the bailout plan for that family living on less than $2 a day in a developing country? The family who struggles not with wants for luxury but needs for survival. Who will bail them out?

The answer, oddly enough, is us. Yes, the same “us” that’s struggling in the midst of this economic downturn. When our economy is bad, it trickles down to the poorest of the poor.

Higher food costs and fuel prices mean their $2 a day doesn’t go nearly as far. We have to look beyond ourselves, now more than ever, to be the church God intended us to be.

The Church is God’s bailout plan for the poor.

I’m not saying we should throw money at poverty and turn a blind eye to its root causes. I understand why Bono is frustrated over the lack of funds, I really do. But money alone won’t stop poverty.

It goes deeper than that. Besides, I think the Church can do better than any government. We understand the spiritual implications that despair and hopelessness cause. And no one can meet those needs better than the Church. If we’ll just be the Church.

This is a time to pray. Not just for the economic crisis in our country, but also for the ones hit hardest — the poor. And, there’s something else we can do: give more.

That’s right . . . more. I know it sounds odd, but what if, instead of hording our money during this time of economic struggle, we decided to be more giving? Wouldn’t that be something?

Imagine the headlines: GIVING TO THE POOR IS UP — EVEN AS STOCKS DECLINE. At the very least, we can’t afford to cut back on our giving. The poor simply cannot survive if we do.

I don’t know what giving more means to you. It could be sponsoring a child. It could be giving to a fund that feeds the hungry.

Maybe it means going on a mission trip and getting your hands dirty. But this is the time to do it. Now. Not tomorrow. Not to change circumstances . . . but to attack the roots.


Click the title to see the original post on the Compassion Blog

Passage

Today marks 4 years since my commencement. I believe I am beginning to see what an appropriate title that is.

year one-schooling. a semester of Bible College. a semester of community college.

year two-moves. moved a LOT. moved out, moved out of city, moved out of state. started a career.

year three-discovery. discovered where i belong. discovered what i like. chose contentment. and fell in love.

year four-development. developed more skills. developed a worthy passion. found the one.

what i believe is in store for me this next year is final (of sorts) development. development of my passions. development of my skills, including my new one. and the development of my relationship with my loves.

and hopefully for the next, fruition. a place with my passion, and a place with my loves.

Obey Him

Pastor Rob taught a sermon entitled "Yes, Lord" (acts 10:1-22)
yesterday. And one of things he specifically mentioned was singleness.
One of the things I have been wondering about is if there is anything I
need to accomplish in this season. It seems marriage is in the near
future for me, and instead of living in dreams of tomorrow I must choose
to live in the reality of today. I must also choose to be willing to
sacrifice any plans, including those of marriage in order to follow what
calling God has for me. God called Peter to forsake his traditions of
decades, what he believed, and what he had dreamed of. And he did it. He
obeyed. If there is anything that I wish to be said of me it would be
that I obeyed. Because if I love Him I will obey Him.

I read this post on the Compassion Blog. Read it, seriously, it is
good

http://blog.compassion.com/faith-of-a-child/

Why I Support Compassion

Compassion is my charity of choice, here are some reasons why

These are not in any particular order

1) Relationships: with the Child Sponsorship Program, I am not just giving money to an organisation. I sponsor an individual child. I am able to foster a relationship with the child I sponsor. The great thing about this is I can see the results personally. I do not just hear about how over a million children are being sponsored. I can hear about the child I sponsor, Tamirat, and how he is personally affected. I like such relationships.

2) I am commanded to: In at least five places in the Bible (NKJV), it explicitly says to aid the poor. Yes, I am going to list them.

Lev 25:35 If one of your brethren becomes poor, and falls into poverty
among you, then you shall help him, like a stranger or a sojourner, that
he may live with you.

Deut 15: 7-8 If there is among you a poor man of your brethren, within
any of the gates in your land which the LORD your God is giving you, you
shall not harden your heart nor shut your hand from your poor brother,
but you shall open your hand wide to him and willingly lend him
sufficient for his need, whatever he needs.

Deut 15:11 For the poor will never cease from the land; therefore I
command you, saying, 'You shall open your hand wide to your brother,
to your poor and your needy, in your land.'

Psalm 82: 3-4 Defend the poor and fatherless; Do justice to the
afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy; Free them from the
hand of the wicked.

Proverbs 31:9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, And plead the cause
of the poor and needy.

3) method: Compassion works through local churches, that are already established and who demonstrate sound doctrine. They also look for long-term situations. Poverty cannot be fixed overnight. I believe stability is very important for children. Change is good, instability is not. To me, the most important facet of their long-term changes is the fact that they are not just releasing children from poverty, but they are "Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name." To give a child food to eat and clean water to drink, but to leave their soul hungering for the Word and thirsting for Living Water is to accomplish nothing of great consequence.

4) integrity: Compassion has demonstrated great financial efficiency. Check them out on Charity Navigator and the Better Business Bureau's Wise Giving Alliance.

5) the people of Compassion: one thing I can say about Compassion that a lot of sponsors cannot is that I have been to their offices, and I have met many of their employees. I worked full time for two employees and occasionally for another. I even lived with one of the people I worked for. They are different. They are so passionate about children, and it is apparent. Is that not important, considering what Compassion does?

6) the value given to children: I believe investing in people is the best investment one can make. Of everything around us, the only things eternal are people and the word of God. Children are the future, and the effects we have on them now will be present in eternity. Think about it--some of the people that will be in heaven are going to be Compassion kids that would not have heard the gospel if it was not for Compassion.

(I will post sources later-this is being sent from my mobile phone)

I have also worked with Samaritan's Purse and fundraised for World Vision. These are also great charities too, but I have chosen Compassion as the one I regularly give to. Remember that SP and WV work in different ways. Within the church, it is great to have unity in diversity.

Said of a church in Lome, Togo:

"The church would like to be able to do more, but in the meantime has
decided to be faithful with the opportunities that present themselves."

Wow. It is stated so 'matter-of-fact'. So easy to miss.

How many times do we wait until we feel we have the means necessary to
do some grand thing we believe God has called us to? Instead of waiting
till everything is in order and starting off with a bang, start by being
faithful in the small stuff.

Passion

• What advice would you give to a young director of a small starting ministry? (Gabe)

Make sure the cause of the ministry that you are leading is your absolute passion. Ask yourself deep in your soul

Is this really what I’m all about? Is this absolutely my passion?

The test that I put myself through every few days — and I would tell you to do the same — is this:

When you think about this ministry that you’re launching, test whether or not it can move you to tears in 30 seconds — either tears of great sorrow at the need that you are trying to fill or tears of great joy at the impact and the joy of making a difference in your world? If it cannot move you to tears in 30 second, my advice is … don’t do it.

Courtesy of Compassion International


I was wondering why I cannot help but shedding tears EVERY SINGLE TIME I read the Compassion blog.

I mean, I know my passion is children. But it is making more sense to me. I still do not know what I am to do. But I can say without a doubt, it involves children.

How Can I Fight Poverty?

How Can I Fight Poverty?

Average

I like to think of myself as your less-emotional-than-average type of girl. And maybe I am, maybe I am not. I cry VERY rarely for movies. But I cry every single time I start reading the Compassion blog.

What is average anyway? I just googled the average world income. When I have jobs that include room and board, I actually make less than that. It is not a lot of money. But average does not necessarily mean it applies to many people. At $7K/year, one is in the top 7th. Nearly 6 billion people live off less than that. Six BILLION. After playing around with this calculator a bit, I found that their estimates put $850 a year as the median annual income. I no longer feel so average. Wow. I have so much less than my fellow Americans, yet I have more than over 80% of the world.

When I was in school, I consistently scored higher than the 90th percentile on standardised tests. I remember getting an 86th percentile once, and feeling terrible. Out of my entire class, I was often the top student. Well, for standardised tests. Not for grades. I could not imagine what it would be like to be scoring at the median. Average sounded like a terrible word to me. I get so much chaff for being a college dropout. But again, I have a terrific education in comparison to everyone else.

I realise I am so privileged. Not only did God give me great abilities when it came to penciling in bubbles but he has given me so much more in terms of money and 'stuff', than most people could even imagine.

I do not give $38 a month so that I can feel good about myself. I do not give $38 a month because I feel like I have money to burn. I do it because I am responsible to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And in doing so, I find that it does feel good. And I see just how much more I have than these children.

I am not your average girl. No, I am rich, and I am well-educated. And I am going to put that money and that information to good use.

I am Nothing

Funny, Pastor Rob was talking about this using a similar analogy this morning, but this post has been in the making for the past couple of weeks.

Is Jesus a crutch for the weak, as many say? I say not. He is my life support. Without him, I am dead in my sin.

To live IS Christ. The effects of the sin remaining in me, and the sin controlling the world around me still causes pain, but I am able to continue with life. My heart and my flesh fail, but he is my strength and my portion forever. The death of sin suffocates me, but he breathes life into me. Apart from Christ, I am NOTHING.

How do I become convinced that I am responsible for anything worked in my life? My pride simply tells me that I am the hero. But no, apart from Christ, I am nothing

AIDS

Click the title

Making Love

I just re-read this section of The Mark of a Man by Elisabeth Elliot. I happened to also read it a few days ago as I was skimming through the book, and then my grandma totally started talking about this!

To make love refers to a performance. It is an act which technically does not require anything remotely resembling real love. To love, by contrast, requires leaving the self behind, abandoning it for the other.

Calling

I am realising yet again that the time is going to come where I have to make a choice determining the course of my life.

See, I am old enough now, and hopefully mature enough to get married. I even have a prospect in mind. There is no denying that my passion is people, including, and especially children. I read the Compassion International blog frequently, and EVERY day I wonder what more I should be doing. There is no doubt that to help the poor and needy is among the calls of the Christian. Yet, it seems to me as though throwing a portion of my paycheque and a few letters to the child who I sponsor is not enough. I know that to change one life carries the possibility of changing hundreds or even thousands. But then again, it may just change one or a few. And yes, God cares so greatly for each individual, and it is such a great thing to see one life given to him. But there are 7 billion people on this earth, and a good deal of them live in extreme poverty and see only injustice around them. And here I am, rather comfortable in comparison to them. Even at my toughest times I still have so much more than they do. And instead of pondering the numbers, and feeling 'sorry' for them, I wonder what more I should be doing. I am not sure that God is calling me to actually GO there--to any other country. In fact, I am somewhat confident that he is not. At least not at this time. And this is where the issue of marriage comes in.

When two people marry, they are then opened to a whole new world of ministry. A FAMILY can accomplish different things than two separate people can. Likewise, two individuals can accomplish things a family cannot. I believe the right time to marry is when two can better fulfill God's calling as a unit than as individuals. And this is where I wonder--is there something more I need to accomplish while I am still single? As of yet, I do not know of anything further I need to do. I wonder how the practical day-to-day fruition of my calling will change when I get married. I have no explicit calling that I know of. I simply know that my life is to be dedicated to people, and that DEFINITELY includes children and adults. I know that more of my calling as it relates to adults can be accomplished when I am married. But the part that I am mixed up about is the children. Sure I can HAVE/adopt children when I am married, but I no longer have the opportunity to go to children in other places, or even to make the decision how much money goes to releasing children from poverty. I believe I already know the answer, otherwise I would not be 'in a relationship'. I also know, however, that I would sacrifice said relationship if I knew that it was not what God wanted for me.

Tune

I have my suspicions. Now I seek to find an answer.

I like to think I really do know, but I NEVER take my intuition as a truth. It is truth only in confirmation. An answer is necessary. And soon.

On Money-

I am beginning to realise what a good idea it is to be financially responsible as a young adult BEFORE getting married. Finances are a top reason for divorce. I see now that my desire to not bring a single penny of debt into a marriage is a worthy aim.

If you don't have the cash for it, don't buy it. SAVE for it.

Love Like Crazy

They called them crazy when they started out
Said seventeen's too young to know what loves about
They've been together fifty-eight years now
That’s crazy

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
Yea that’s crazy

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say pull up a seat
It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when he quit his job
Said them home computers, boy they'll never take off
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft
They paid like crazy

Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get to old to call her baby
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when they started out
They've been together fifty-eight years now

Aint that crazy?

Pilgrimage

It is pretty obvious to everyone that I do not want to live in California any longer. I hate being called a Californian. Call me a Coloradan, and I will be rather excited that you recognise and acknowledge that I am to be associated with such a great place. This has got me thinking about my spiritual life. We are pilgrims here on the earth, citizens of heaven on earth for just a short time. I do not find myself pining for heaven the way I do for Colorado. I am rather desperate to get to Colorado, but I do not long for heaven in such a way. I have struggled with this my entire life as a believer and I only recently began to see a glimpse of the longing that I should have. I was greatly saddened as a result of a sin committed and I could not imagine what I should continue to live for. And for once, my wish for death was accompanied by an actual wish for heaven. BUT. But then circumstances changed once more and my fickle heart was caught up in circumstances. Circumstances. Why must I base my person on event, and not on the person of my Saviour? Why is my emotion so capricious? I am convinced that the degree to which one's behaviour is based upon emotion directly correlates to the degree of worldliness and selfishness they possess. We would not be so prone to the whims of the heart if we were enraptured with Christ. In His presence, the presence of His perfect love, fear dissipates. Bitterness ceases. Self-pity has no place in His light. He must increase, I must decrease. Christ cannot fill a heart that is still occupied by self. And a heart filled with Jesus is a heart that longs to be with Him.

As is the usual case, I have a song for this--

but since the band isn't well known there are no lyrics or audio clips to be found!

Well, you can hear the beginning of the song if you click on the title.

I bought it here

Soul Tie, Part 2

"I am a part of your soul, boy"

Guard Your Heart

I know now why they told me to guard my heart. Value is determined by what someone is willing to pay. When we ask little, we become cheap. But when we DEMAND a higher price, only a man worthy of such treasure will be willing to pay the price.



This vignette tells the safety of guarding one's heart-

It was 1:30 A.M. on Friday, December 6, 1991. Patrolman Tommy Garrison of the Byhalia (Mississippi) City Police had pulled over a gray Monte Carlo for no tag on Highway 309. Garrison walked to the car where three men were waiting.

The driver said he didn't have his license with him but knew the number. Then Garrison saw three VCRs stacked in the back seat.

"Where did you get those VCRs?" he asked. That's when all three men got out. The first attacked Garrison with a knife. While the police officer was wrestling with him, a second man pulled a handgun and shot twice.

The first bullet struck the officer in the stomach and knocked him off balance. When the second hit his chest, Garrison was flung to the ground.

The three men jumped back into the Monte Carlo and spun out, heading north toward the Tennessee line. Before they were out of sight, however, Garrison stood up and ran back to his car to put out an all-points bulletin. He was shaken up and bruised, but unwounded.

That morning Garrison had put on one of the department's bullet-proof vests. The seven-year-old vest was two-and-a-half pounds of discomfort and reeked with sweat. Garrison had not been wearing it regularly because it was such as nuisance. But that Friday had been cool, and Garrison had worn the vest all day. And at the critical moment, it had saved his life by guarding his heart.

God warns, " Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellsprings of life" (Prov. 4:23). In other words, maintain your purity, your integrity, your commitment to the Lord.

Whenever you keep something precious safe, you can cherish and enjoy it, and its value appreciates. The longer we guard our heart--the more time and attention we invest in its care--the easier it is to keep up the watch. The more carefully we guard it, the more secure it will keep us.

Officer Garrison told me that ever since that bullet-proof vest saved his life he has worn one every hour he's been on duty. The rest of the officers on the force were motivated to start wearing them too, but it wasn't long before most of them left their vests at the station once more. When the critical moment comes, they won't be ready.

Guard your heart. Keep it for Jesus alone. If Jesus were to appear before you right now, and you were to ask, "What do want of me?" I believe that He would say, "I want your heart. Just give me your heart."

If He so greatly desires to have your heart, it must be a precious treasure indeed. Guard it carefully.

--Steven Singleton

You have but one heart. Guard it as if your life depends on it.

15 Questions Christian women need to ask a man before getting involved with him.

I watched this video, and boy did it make me think. I struggle with focusing on the tangible. I want to have a God-honouring relationship, not just fun between two Christians. Huge difference there.

A lot of this is stuff I've talked about, and I really like the stuff about accountability. I wish my family was more interested so I could rely on them. . .

anyway, here's the tough stuff:


1) Theology.
The Bible: is it 100% God’s word & His only word? Jesus: is he God in the flesh & did He die for the sins of the world & rise on the 3rd day. Salvation: is it only by Grace through faith in what Jesus accomplished, not of any human work/effort?

2) Are you a Christian? If so why did you become one, how did you become one and when did you become one? How do you know you really are in the faith now? Please support your answer with scripture.

3) Would the last girl you dated say that she’s a better Christian after having dated you?

4) Are you willing to sit down with the ministers at my church so they can talk with you about your spiritual maturity and what your intentions are with me before we go any further in our friendship/relationship?

5) Would the last girl you were involved with recommend other women that need direction, leadership and spiritual strengthening to get involved with you? Why or why not and could I have somebody call her to verify your answer?

6) If we were in a relationship how would you be able to tell if I began idolizing our relationship over God, & what would you do to help me get back on track?

7) If we got together what things would you do to ensure physical purity in our relationship?

8) If I wanted to pursue a 100% hands off relationship that includes no kissing, hugging, holding hands or messages, to ensure purity and focus how would you feel about that?

9) Could you guarantee that I will spiritually mature & grow b/c I entered in to a relationship with you? If yes how do you know, if no then why should I be with you?

10) If one morning I woke up and was no longer cute, had a 100% flat chest, no hips, no butt, no curves, my hair fell out, & my teeth weren’t straight, would this be a challenge for you, how would you deal with it & would you still be interested in being with me?

11) What areas in my life do you see I need to grow & mature in and how could you build me up in those areas?

12) If you and I were to enter into a relationship what would be the spiritual goal/purpose of what you would expect us, those around us, & God to get out of it? And have you fulfilled this goal in past relationships? How do you know you will fulfill that goal with me if we get together?

13) If we got together would you be ok with having an open relationship where we sit down with ministers from my church every month and give an account of how our relationship is going? Along with answering any personal or spiritual questions they may have for us? The question’s will deal with our purity, spiritual growth, example, and over all progress.

14) What is God’s purpose in dating, and marriage? Please support your answers with the Bible.

15) Do you have a history of getting with girls primarily because you get lonely, the girls are pretty, or other reasons that are not godly? Can you please give me 3 people I call to verify your answer?

Riddance

I got the message loud and clear. You don't want me here. Good. I don't want to be around either.

Why then, do you insist on repeating it over and over and over again, when we've clearly acknowledged our feelings? Why do you hinder me from doing exactly what you say you want me to do?

Timing

At what point should two people who love each other marry?

My simplest answer is when as a couple they can serve God in their callings better than as two individuals.

There are always going to be pros and cons to either remaining single or marrying. There is more freedom as a single, but there is more experience and knowledge, not to mention backup as a couple. When you're single, you answer solely to God and to any earthy authority. When you're married, you answer to God, to your spouse, to the duties as a parent, and to any earthly authority.

Just something to think about.

Reliability

I love reliable people. MANY of my friends are rather unreliable. Loan them money, don't get it back. Loan them things, never see them again.

I'm used to it. I don't part with anything I REALLY care about.

When I let J borrow my computer charger, he sent it back in well under a month. Wow. That really means a lot. Sure, if he hadn't I could have replaced it for very little money, not to mention it was an extra. But he sent it back in a timely manner. I like it!

Mentality

I think I have a tendency to scare people when I talk marriage. Why? I
speak candidly, and I think I often sound as if I am suggesting what I
find to be an ideal situation. But here's the disclaimer: I know that
people don't operate in these ideal situations. We live in real life and
we can't act like we live in a perfect world. . .cuz we don't. That
being said, I still offer the caveat as follows: don't settle. Because
s/he knows you aren't perfect, it doesn't mean you shouldn't attempt
perfection.

See, here's the thing--I'll make it perfectly clear that I don't want to
sit around on my tush if it's time to get married. I don't have a
problem with getting married quickly, if it's to someone who doesn't
have the entitlement mentality. We tend to think of marriage as
getting, when really, we should see it as giving. All the benefits are
not what it's about. It's about joining yourself to another when as a
pair, you can serve God and his people better than you can as
individuals. To simplify marriage into a equation, I choose to see it as
marriage=sacrifice.

Marriage isn't a fairy tale. It's not magical. And husbands don't
sparkle.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Think about that. Life. Long. I get
tired of a cell phone contract well before the 2 years is up. Now,
realising a 75 year marriage is a possibility is sobering. And I sure as
hell am not going to always feel swoonful over a man, especially when
he's in his 90s! Old and wrinkly. . .But marriage is meant to be a
CHOICE to love. Day in, day out, through the years. Through the
decades.

Still, I want it. In the right time. Yeah, soon. But not the result of a
rash decision made by one whose common sense is blinded by emotion and
hormones.

Conscious

Memories constantly flood my mind. I enjoyed it. But it's destroying me.
Some of it was done in anger. I couldn't let be D be the last one. I
shudder every time I remember what happened there. So I feel as if I
used A. Yes, I wanted to, but still, I used A. Covered my tracks by way
of distraction. But the truth is, it just made twice as many memories.
They turn sour, rancid. What the hell is wrong with me?

Why did God create us this way? He gave us the choice, even the desire,
the cravings, yet they're so deadly. Even if you explain the dangers of
pulling the pin, you still don't hand a grenade to a child. Why does he
give us such dangerous things? I can believe God when it comes to the
scientific. Of course someone had to be the cause for everything I see,
but I don't understand his ways. As always, I'm listening to music, and
it gets to me. "Stop listening to your head and listen to me. Your mind
doesn't understand the things that I see. Next time listen to me cuz my
voice should be louder than your reasoning, those human things." He's
clearly orchestrated so many circumstances beyond my control that are
for my benefit, yet I still refuse to trust him and give him reign in my
life and I find my self in one hell of a mess. What a devious sycophant
I am. I try to give him my lip service and when it doesn't seem to pay
off, I go and try to sneak around. I'm trying to hide from a God who I
claim to believe is omniscient, what craziness is that?

"Still we blame you and we call you names. You don't want robots, you
want our love."