Soul Tie

"Go Away"

I am a part of your soul, boy
And when you say you're gone
I have to reach my arms outstretched to you
Because I know we're through

So go away, go away
And leave me on my own
Go away, go away
And leave me on my own

Finally it all makes sense
I could keep this all from you
And I could make a statement based on truth
But then it all comes tumbling down
Down, down, down

So go away, go away
And leave me on my own
Go away, go away
And leave me on my own
So go away, go away
And leave me on my own
Go away, go away
And leave me on my own

I am holding you (I am holding you)
I am holding you (I am holding you)
I am holding you (I am holding you)
I am holding you (I am holding you)

Go away, go away
And leave me on my own
Go away, and go away
And leave me on my own
Won't you go away, go away
And leave me on my own
Go away, go away
Leave me on my own

Honey, leave me on my own
Leave me on my own
Leave me on my own

--Eisley

Balance, Nightmare

It seems I can't figure out the balance in my life. Life moves so fast, and I don't just want to get sucked into the hurry. I want to cherish my time, my family, and my friends.

But right now I'm so dizzy. Contemplating a career is crazy. I'm 20, and if this is the avenue I'm to take in my life, I can't help but wonder if I just wasted the past few years. I could be graduating in the next year, but instead I decided to go another direction. I feel so old, so useless. I thought that for the past TEN YEARS my life was being shaped into what it needed to be to go down Avenue A, but now I'm not sure if that is being taken from me and if I need this Plan B.

How sad. I'm settling. This cynic doesn't believe that there can be such dreams anymore. My dreams have been stolen, and I have only nightmares now.

Rescue

Run, run away
Fly to safety, solitude
Cower in the dark,
Deny all requests,
They won't get in.

Try, your efforts will be rewarded.
Don't try, you'll be turned away,
Oh! but how you're needed!
Push in, press on, press on.

Trapped.
Waiting, when will they come?
Persistance is honoured,
Diligence has its prize
Break down the facade, Please!

Haunting

Every breath I take
I remember you
Dreams are strangely void
But in waking you're always there
I remember all the excitement
Oh, where has it gone?

Every thought, you're there
Haunting memories
I wish to forget
Oh, but no! You refuse to leave.
Push you out, then cry for your absense
Come back, then be gone!

I wish to go back to the way things were
But innocence cannot be revived
I claw, give back my heart!



Resolution may follow someday,
but for now, it's incomplete

Questions, I need you here

I want to run away. It was nice when I worked just one job in Colorado
and didn't have any problems when I turned my phone off. How I want to
just be a recluse and avoid everyone this very minute. What keeps
drawing me back to you? I feel as though I owe you responses, because I
don't like it if you don't respond. Thus, maybe a warning is in order.
But then there are questions. I don't want questions right now. But
then again, I do. I AM a dichotomy. I want you, yet I want you gone.
Temporarily, of course. I love you so much and wish you never gone for
a moment of my life. Even today, as I want you gone, I want you close,
even here, breaking down those impervious walls buried within my heart.
Will I ever confess to you my insecurities? Doubtful, but please try.
Open up your arms, I need you!

I got nothing left to show, Open up your arms. . . I need you here!

sometimes i just need to be held close. that's what i need right now.

figuring out life is crazy.

i wish i could say more, but this isn't the place.

just know i need you. i need your warmth, your comfort, your love.
hold me to you and tell me you'll stay

Shy

How I wish to say what I feel, but I haven't been able to bring myself to say it.

Sorry, it will be a while. Or it will never come out.

Till then, thanks for being there. I can't tell you how much it means

Apathy

I'm not sure how I go from what I felt last night (see below, "Moonlight") to what I feel tonight.
I feel apathetic, and as if there is no life in me.

I am definitely contemplating hiding for a while.

In some ways I miss him. But I'm also so afraid of him, and unwilling to just give myself to someone. I can't get my mind out of my friendships, and sometimes I just want to enjoy my friends, not worry about if I can trust them.

I want to tell my friends the secret to getting me to open up. But I'm afraid to

Moonlight

I love having friends that I can just be with. We're just laying on the
beach, hardly talking. And I love it. It's nice to have friends that
don't have awkward silences, we just have golden silence. Maybe I can
call this place home again. For now. . .

I really love my life.

P.S. Why is my abdomen hurting so bad?

the Lord delivers

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the LORD delivers him out of them all.

Psalm 34:19

Can it get any more blunt? The righteous are afflicted. We don't need to know why bad things happen to "good" people. I'm not getting into the whole "but we aren't good" thing. You already know that. It just says that we have God as our help WHEN we go through trials

I'm hungry.