tried

I'm so stressed out that I just feel like I'm shutting down. I can't keep up on my bills. I'm so short on money. I should be glad I at least have a job. How was I to know that my income isn't quite enough for all my bills? I love the people I work for and I love my job. But if I don't find more work soon I fear I will have to work for someone else. I REALLY don't want to do that, so I'm hoping that God will provide enough for me to stay here. My credit card company has called me 5 times in the past 3 days because I didn't make a payment. I've also had to skip my other 2 cc's and my car insurance. My bank charged me an overdraft fee for a bill they didn't even cover so now I'm out another $35.

A verse I read a few months ago keeps going through my mind: Shall we indeed accept good from God and shall we not accept adversity? Job 2:10

I randomly started reading slowly and irregularly through Job in addition to what I've been reading for my devotions. I wonder if God gave me the thought to do so in preparation for this time.

And today I read: Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid nor dismayed before the king of Assyria, nor before all the multitude that is with him; for there are more with us than with him. With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the LORD our God,to help us and to fight our battles. And the people were strengthened by the words of Hezekiah king of Judah. 2 Chronicles 32:7&8

I really want to wholly trust God to take care of me. I don't even know how to not fear.

the first of my cyber greetings.

Happy Birthday, Mad One!
I can't believe you're 20! (by the time this is posted you will be in my time zone)

I'm sorry but your card is showing up late. It will probably be there tomorrow.

I hope you have a FABULOUS day!

it wasn't the zucchini

I can't blame my involuntary regurgiation on the zucchini--apparently I'm not the only one who got sick.

But I still have an aversion to the zukes. I don't think I'll eat that one in the fridge.

fireproof

I recommend fireproof for anyone and everyone. it's a good way to see true love in action, in a fictitious but not unrealistic way

never eat bitter zucchini

Zucchini may occasionally contain a group of natural toxins known as cucurbitacins. These toxins give zucchini a bitter taste. Bitterness in wild zucchinis has been known for a long time but is rarely found in commercially grown zucchinis.

Eating bitter zucchinis have caused people to experience vomiting, stomach cramps, diarrhoea and collapse. Do not eat zucchini that have a strong unpleasant smell or taste bitter.

--from the NZFSA, New Zealand Food Safety Authority

So yesterday I had probably half of a small zucchini, some of it in a sauce I made a while back and some of it just sauteed. I think the one that was sauteed, was also used on some pizza I made. .. Hmm better ask my family if they got sick from it. I know I didn't.

But I blame my stomach problems on that zucchini. I woke up with intense heartburn which I've never had before. I sipped some water, and took a shower. After my shower, I sat on my bed and knew I was gonna throw up. I threw up a lot for having not eaten for 10 or so hours. Then I felt better for a little while, but not for long. I had such painful stomach pains (and was sure I was gonna throw up again). I finally found some Pepto Bismol and took some, and I even took some ginger before that. They didn't help for a while but then I fell asleep again and woke up half an hour ago not in terrible pain. Well except my lower back is really sore from laying in bed all day. And my stomach feels weird but not necessarily bad. So yeah, I'm gonna be paying more attention to what my zucchini tastes like from now on.

answers. wind.

I've always been an answer-haver.
People come to for advice (yes, even relationship advice, like all the time and with people I don't know that well!)
It's not too often that I say, "I don't know,' because most the time I do know, or at least think I do.
So how did I get to a place where I don't have answers? I don't know what to do. And now I can't sleep. I think the wind is playing a big part in that though. Weather.com says it's at 35 mph gusting to 45. A.k.a. a fresh gale. Wind-means a change in weather. Like now at midnight it's nearing 40 degrees even though it was 32 around 6. I feel windt myself, as in it seems a change is coming. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

never know

I have wanderlust again. I don't know why. Does God want to move me? I'm afraid to leave. I have the BEST job, and I don't want to lose it. I don't want to act rashly, but I wanna stay in God's will. I'm afraid to do anything. I've been so off and on with God, and it's so wrong. I'm struggling with money and I think if I went to -- I'd end up with more money troubles. I can say that I KNOW God doesn't want me in debt.

I think it's time for me to spend time in my 'prayer closet'. I think I'll be turning my phone off and thus disappearing from the web.