For the single female
ATTRACTION
What attracts women to men? (character qualities & preferable circumstances)
Gentleness—if they’re rough and rowdy, it annoys me so much!
Chivalry—it may seem old fashioned in liberal feminism . . . but guys are stronger than women and it’s a sign of willingness to help make up for where she lacks as opposed to taking advantage
Strength—a man needn’t be extremely muscular, but should be strong in many ways. I don’t want a spineless ninny! He should be able to make his own decisions, make his own living and his own home (no, not like a carpenter!). He should be able to lead a healthy, happy life without a woman, but shouldn’t want to!
Appreciation—Even if he can do pretty much everything on his own, he should appreciate a woman’s touch—the cheerful decorations, the fabric softener that he usually forgets, the matching silverware, etc. She should feel appreciated but should not be relied upon for everything. Her thoughtfulness should be appreciated. Somehow men get by without attention to detail, but when she remembers to pack food for him, or makes sure he doesn’t forget his wallet, a "thank you, what would I do without you?" is one of the best things he could say.
Spontaneity—Think creatively; show her you care in unusual ways. Be willing to bend the rules a bit. However, if overdone, it can be irresponsible.
Cleanliness—But don’t make the Axe so strong I can taste it! And don’t leave your socks everywhere. My olfactory skills are likely more refined than yours. Sweat isn’t bad if it’s not too often . . . or 3 days old
Honesty—Be frank and candid. "brutally honest" is a major no-no!
What repels women from men? (character flaws & detestable circumstances)
Arrogance & Pride—These are not a strength but a weakness!
Rudeness—We pay attention to how you treat the cashiers, waiters, petitioners ;), etc. And I’m usually too quiet to say hi, so step up!
Wandering eye—Breaking eye contact with me to stare at some other girl is rude and belittling. Even if I’ve no claim to you or you to me, pay attention and engage, even if it is boring!
Insulting—Don’t insult me, your family, friends, etc. Yeah, you can tell me what you’re upset about, but name calling is a juvenile way to talk and I fear you’ll do it to me. It damaging! And I will lose respect. It a major form of pride. I’d like to see some meekness and humility and I will respect you for it. It’s a natural response.
Insincerity—I can see through charm. If it’s not sincere, I’ll soon know.
What are the top 3 most important qualities women want in a husband?
(in descending order)
Strong in the faith—priorities have to be right
Loving
Decent appearance-wise—note I only said decent, this is really more of how you take care of yourself than what colour your eyes or hair are or how big your biceps are
What are the top 3 things that would make you say "I could never marry him"
about a man? (in descending order)
Doesn’t have God as his greatest priority
Lack of trust—I’ve got to be able to entrust my life to him!
irresponsibility
What are the differences between confidence, arrogance, and intimidation?
Confidence—"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
arrogance—"I can do all things"
intimidation—"you can do nothing"
RELATIONSHIP
What are the 5 most important guidelines by which you want your husband to
treat you, interact with you, or communicate with you?
Commitment—willingness to work through problems, not run from them in order to keep the marriage alive
Love—a conscious choice to put aside one’s wants and needs in order to elevate another’s. Servanthood; sacrifice that does not regard the merit or response of its object
Listen—to what I do and don’t say. Reading a woman’s mind is impossible, but reading her subtle actions is not—it just takes time
Protect—be it from the neighbour’s rabid pit bull or a defiant teenage daughter. He should stand up for his other half
Cherish—he should have only 2 things to expect and remain with till the day he dies—God and his wife. The object of a lifelong relationship should have a lot of attention and value; and should be the centre of, not just portions of his life
How do you want to be viewed by your husband?
Irreplaceable
Interesting
Attractive—in character and to the eye
Faithful
His other half
What are the top 3 things you want to be to your husband (in his mind)?
(in descending order)
A faithful and willing servant and helper
The 2nd best (only to Christ) decision of his life
Beautiful—even when my hair turns grey and I get lots of wrinkles
What are the top 3 things you could never do without in your marriage?
(in descending order)
Love—as defined before
Unity
Attraction
PURSUIT & FEELINGS
How do you know if a man is ready for marriage?
*He’s learned selflessness
*Has a strong, adult faith
*Actions don’t make one second-guess his age
*He’s got to have the go-ahead from the Lord
*He can support a family
How do you know if you are ready for marriage?
*I’ve got to be ready for kids. I won’t intend to have them right away, but things happen! I won’t "feel" ready, but as long as I’m capable. . .
*Got to hear it from the Lord!
*I can deal with him patiently, and am happy to make up for his mistakes cheerfully . . . like socks lying around! I have to have learned selflessness
*I can put aside all my desires to help him achieve his
What is the difference (if possible) between noticing attractive qualities
and ’being attracted’?
In avoidance of periphrasis:
"I’d like my husband to be like that" vs. "I’d like him to be my husband"
What is the difference (if possible) between ’being attracted’ and having a
’crush’?
Interest in, and pondering the possibility of marriage vs. childish emotional obsession
What does it mean to ’fall in love’?
To fall into attraction. To fall into obsessive emotional bliss . . . it’s a misnomer . . . it really has nothing to do with true love and can exist with or without love.
Do you believe you can ’fall out of love’?
Love never fails. But the preposition "in" or "out" signals love is just an alias for feelings. Feelings change. Love doesn’t
Without a doubt Men will always find attractive qualities in other women,
even after marriage. How does this make you feel, and what would you wish
he’d do about it?
*BE HONEST!
*the grass always [seems] greener—is it fantasy or realistic. Noticing good qualities and dwelling on them are different. (be careful how you word suggestions!!!)
*Take every thought captive
*I’d become jealous, but also pay attention to his response. Does he say, "I wish you were more like her!" or "I’m glad you’re my wife!"
*am I doing what I can for him?
+ spending time together
+ having romance (just me and him for something other than paying the
+ "getting pretty" for him
How often do you contemplate marriage?
Every day, throughout the day!
How often do you evaluate your male acquaintances as potential husbands?
*well, until I see one of the top 3 things that make me say I could never marry him, which is usually pretty fast!
*then, there’s the factor of attraction
*and compatibility—a balance between our strengths and weaknesses and if they complement each other
How often do you evaluate yourself as a potentially good wife?
all the time. I try to work on skills and attitudes all the time (basically to cheerfully run a household for another person). Any time I run into something trying, I try to shut up my complaints by realising it’s not just going to make me a better person, but a more patient wife. And when I see selfishness and pride, it’s a reminder that I’ve a long way to go . . . and I see those a LOT!
DECISIONS
Would you rather strive to grow through a rough marriage or just get a
divorce?
The temptation would be to be lazy . . . but there are consequences to such a decision. It is best to react in obedience to such trials!!!
What’s more important in a potential husband, strong leadership skills or
his life headed in the right direction? Why?
Leadership skills could be leading in the wrong direction! If his life is headed in the right direction, it will motivate me to accompany him, which could potentially boost his confidence as a leader. And is he’s headed in the right direction, God will provide the necessary skills. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him"
Would you prefer a man who has an extensive romantic history with women or a
man who has never been romantically involved prior to seeking your hand in
marriage? Why?
I’d prefer one who never has been involved. Although he may lack the finesse, I wouldn’t have to fear comparison or feel as though I wasn’t worth the wait. I would have difficulty believing one was serious if he’s gone through romances.
What do you absolutely need to know about a man before you can consider
marrying him?
*I’d pretty much want to know the story of his life—he needs to be open and honest about his successes and failures.
*He has to be sold out for God
Would you rather marry a strong leader you can submit to or have the
majority of the control in the marriage?
I should like to submit to a man who is submitted to Christ. I should be able to have a say in important matters, but I don’t want to have the only say!
PREPERATION
What must a man know about you before you can consider marrying him?
He’d need to know my insecurities and my weaknesses and be able to back me up
What is the 1 concept about women you feel men just don’t ’get’?
*Affection is an effective tool against emotional outbursts! To ignore me angers me even more (even if I tell you to leave me alone!)
*Body language—if you can read me and beat me to doing something before I say it, it’s a sign you care and listen and are paying attention (the one thing we always want)
What is the 1 concept about men you feel women just don’t ’get’?
They can’t read our minds, even though we can read theirs.
What do you feel is genuine commitment?
to give lifelong priority to someone
How does commitment differ from regular day to day decisions and endeavors?
Commitment calls for a future—the day to day decisions and endeavors made in a committed relationship may vary from those between casual friends because they will reflect commitment
How important is physical, emotional, and conversational affection to you?
All of the above are very important to have every day!
How exclusively yours do you want your husband’s affection to be?
In terms of women, all mine
In terms of life, I’d want to be a part of everything. If not physically present, I’d still like to know about what happens, even if not in detail. (Say, if you go golfing with friends, I don’t need to go, but tell me who was there and what the weather was like. You don’t have to tell how well everyone did, just who "everyone" was!)
PERSONAL
How often do you worry that you may never get married? Why?
a lot!—I see very few men around; they all seem to be children!
Are you content as a single woman? Why?
I really want to get married, but I’m fine with waiting because I feel that I’m not ready. I need to grow in maturity and in an attitude of servanthood
How would you define ’dating’?
Kinda like going and trying on clothes before you buy them, to see how they look on you, how they fit, the price. This, as opposed to being measured and having them made to fit!
Do you want to ’date’ before marriage? Why or why not?
No, the One who made me knows me better than even I do, and I trust that He’ll bring along someone "tailored" to my personality and needs. It makes perfect sense!
Mad1   |
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