I want. . .

[. . .]
In the mean time. . .I have got to get out of here. I can't sit still. . .I may just have to marry a military man. But I foresee settling down somewhere. I just feel like I have no reason to be in CA right now. Can you give me one? The world is getting smaller. Staying in one place is too small. What used to be a planet is now a country. What used to be a country is now a state. What used to be a state is now a city, possibly excepting CA, it's like 10 states! I moved an hour away. I like it here, but not enough. I need to see more. I need to be more. I can't afford this place. I don't have kids. I don't have a house. I don't even have a place to live. I don't have the perfect job. I don't think I have a reason to stay here. I desperately need friends, but maybe I can enjoy my real friends from a distance. Farewell my fair weather friends, the farther I move, the more evident you are. I hate to ask much of my friends, I hate to expect it, but I like to know it's there when I need it. Thank you Crystal for all the nights you let me stay in your room. Thank you Daniel, for all the nights you would let me stay at your place.

I am still in shock at Dan's offer. I don't know anyone who would offer such a thing, given the circumstances. Who needs just a friend when you can have a brother? I don't want fair weather friends. I want forever friends.

Please, let me leave this hell-hole.

I'm sick of money. Even now, I want just a little more. . .so I can---. I'm afraid it will never be enough for me. I don't want to just plan for a easy future. I want to plan for a blessed future. Why invest monetarily for that which will be of no value when my breath is last expired? I'd much rather invest in a treasure that will last me forever. I'm not going to find that treasure as long as I live in pleasure and in luxury. I cry, "make this easy" but forget that He could've made it easy, and instead chose to suffer and to die for me. . . why then do I not exhaust every last resource in a real investment? I've already writ about what I believe a good investment is (prior post) all I have is the from the Lord. . .yet I find that 10% hard to give. How much more does he deserve all 100%? Why must I continue in petty pursuits and empty endeavours. Can I not live for tomorrow?