Defining Love

The quest to define love is quite familiar to just about everyone. Love is defined in a myriad of ways, varying fantastically from on definition to another. It is commonly defined as an emotion that is often paired with affection, but dictionary definitions of the word vary from a strong liking to sexual attraction to a warm feeling toward something. It has been characterised by fictional characters, mostly in the sexual sense, as Eros, Cupid, and the like. Love is a common conversation topic, yet, despite the constant attention to love, it is generally elusive—many question its existence in relationships. As François de la Rochefoucald said, "true love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.

While the world is perplexed by this concept, the Bible offers some explicit and concise definitions of love. In First John, love is said to be characterised by Christ's death for mankind. It says in verse ten of the fourth chapter, "In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." In verse seven of the same chapter, it says, "love is of God". The biblical definition of the word love here applies to the Greek word agape, which refers to love as a deliberate choice by the one who loves and is not based upon any kind of merit. Is does not require any esteem or specific behaviour of the recipient. It exists merely because the one who loves chooses to love. It is an unconditional love. As Mike Reed, a family and marriage pastor said, "Love, true love, pure love, love that this world will never understand, begins, continues, and ends in the heart of God. His love is independent of ours. It does not respond to ours. It just is." He further defines it not as a feeling or emotion but as an action: as he put it, "the emotion will follow the motion."

The action of love is characterised by sixteen separate descriptions in the book of First Corinthians chapter thirteen. It is said to suffer long, be kind, and not envy, nor parade itself, be puffed up, behave rudely, seek its own, become provoked, think any evil, or rejoice in iniquity. Furthermore, it is portrayed as rejoicing in truth, believing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things, and never failing. Another description of love, found in First John 4:18 conveys love as casting out fear.

The movie, "Fiddler on the Roof," based on a play depicting the life of the Jews in Russia at the turn of the century, when marriages were arranged, has a great song about love. The main character, Tevye, asks his wife Golde, "Do you love me?" She does not directly answer, but instead replies, "For 25 years I've washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked your cow…If that's not love, what is?" She goes on to say, or rather, sing, that she does love him. I find this to be a good display of what love is. It is a commitment and devotion to the object of your love and includes the aspects described in the Bible.

Obviously, this love varies greatly from the general concept of love found in secular circles. The popular theory seems more natural, as it is widespread, yet many cannot seem to fulfill the requirements of the secular description. If many claim they know what love is, why does it seem so unattainable, even by those who claim to know exactly what love is? Maybe it is because the popular definition is in fact fallacious. Maybe the Bible really is correct, and love is different than many see it. Next time you use the words, "I love you," ask yourself what actions you take to show it.

Ok, my last paragraph is terrible! Last sentence is ok. I guess since I think it needs work that means I've become a better writer??? It was over 2 years ago that I wrote this. . .

March 2006