Times are Changin'

It seems strange, and I need to figure this out.

I got my braces off yesterday. . .I was anxious to get them off--my teeth aren't quite straight, but I have a special retainer on the bottom to help finish them up. I got them off so quick because I told Dr. Hennes that I may be moving to Colorado. I am staying at my current job for at least another week. Good thing, I will earn some extra money. I should probably get a AAA membership of something, as a safety net for my journey.

I'm upset about some things that have been said to me. I begin to think I am doing better with seeking the Lord in my life and then someone tells me I am merely being selfish and that if I really prayed, I would get a different answer. They could be right but what bothers me is that they seem to always "know" what God wants for MY life.

True, I make a lot of mistakes. Some of my mistakes have really cost me. I had to leave A/V for 4 months when I wasn't seeking God in the least. I lost friendships. I scarred myself and others. I was a bad witness. I'm finding restoration, but things aren't what they were. Maybe in some ways it is better--I hope that I have matured. I hope that I am pleasing God with my life.

A Child of Mercy and Grace

Today Pastor Rob taught on a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately. Haha, I was glad I was working in the sound booth, because I got to hear it twice!

How will I be remembered? A few posts ago, I included a song entitled "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman. Check it out. It's a good song, and it's been making me think a lot. "Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?" I wonder. . .Since I want to move to Colorado, I wonder who will notice. Will it be a good thing that I'm a thousand miles away? Or will it be bad?

I told Pastor Dan today about my prospective move. I feel so bad to have to resign again; although I hope this time it is because I am following the will of God in my life. He's one of the people I will really miss. How do I remember him? As a man who loves God and who is a reflection of kindness. He is one of the nicest people I know, and I enjoy seeing him on Sundays. He is a good supervisor, and the collective 13 months under him were great. And he makes me laugh! I saw Sam Cracchiolo and Tom Frazee today; they said hi to me. They were great supervisors too! I had a wonderful 6 years in Children's under them. I saw Anastasia Campbell. I started watching her kids when I was in Junior High, and she has always been so friendly. I saw Mrs. Barger. I had 3 French classes, 1 English, 1 social science and 1 pace class with her. She is a hard worker, and put a lot of time and effort into me. These are just a few of the hundreds of faces I saw today, and I remember them. Why? They have all had some sort of impact on me, whether minuscule or monumental. Ever realise that a smile while passing someone in the hallway might be etched in their memory?

I'm working in a place right now where I have just over a month to leave my mark. I've been here about 4 weeks already, and I will be here one or two more weeks. How will they remember me?

I've lived in California for my entire 18.5 years. What mark have I left?

I've made a lot of mistakes, but the past cannot be undone. It can, however, be forgiven. And it can be a lesson, so that I choose each and every day to live as a child of mercy and grace who blesses His name unapologetically.

Every day, I think about what I want my obituary to say. I get one paragraph to describe my life. What do I want it to say? That I was a child of mercy and grace who blessed His name unapologetically.

I want to leave that kind of legacy.

Well That's just. . .Beachy!

To-day the kids and I went to the beach. I'm not too familiar with the OC so I was gonna go to Laguna Beach, but Dan told me Newport. We definitely had fun, although I'm hoarse from saying so any times, "keep up," "come here," &tc. Patience had to go to the bathroom. . .which was probably about half a mile away, so August kept dawdling. Then when she felt fine and we had to go back (can't leave keys and phone unattended TOO long!), she was the slow poke. Oh goodness, I hate having to repeat myself so many times! They think the more they beg, the more they'll get. . .but the more they beg, the more I want to say no. I don't think I got any darker :( But I'm sure a few walks with Cookie in the middle of the day will restore my California girl appearance. But that will also mean my hair will get lighter. . .maybe I'll let it, and dye it later. It's been 7 months anyway, almost 8. Courtney did a great job! I think the kids are really tired, they are being especially difficult. Can't wait to sleep tonight--I gotta get up early to go to church because I need to be there at 2nd service so I can observe and I will be doing the powerpoint 3rd service. I still look forward to that, but I need to tell Pastor Dan that I may be out of town for a few weeks. . .or permanently. It used to be that I couldn't leave because CCV was the only place I though I could call my church home; and with the two different ministries I volunteered in, I thought I would be there forever. . .both times. Both times, it was my mother that asked me to terminate. . .but this time, it will be me. And each time, I've been sad to do it. This feels different though. Something changed in those 4 months I didn't do A/V. I don't think it's just a consequence of my misdeeds; no I think God put my heart in another place. Maybe it was just flesh ambitious, living present by the past. I feel like a flake. Both times I left, it was sudden, and I felt like such a disappointment. I don't want that again. I don't want to take for granted the kindness of Pastor Dan. Time to go wash Paitce's hair!

Pets

Oh look at the kitties and Cookie! Einstein is the

male kitty, with the brown fur, Cleo the female with spots! And
Cooksters is a cocker spaniel! Einie is the frendlier one, snoozin' with
Cook :)
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Read

Two really good books I recommend to y'all:
Humility by Andrew Murray
On Being a Servant of God by Warren Wiersbe
Go read them, they're great once-a-year books to remind us who we are
and what our lives should look like. All to the glory of God!
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

An Invitation to Abundant Life

Funny, the title of this post, "An Invitation to Abundant Life," came from the title for the text of Isaiah 55, when I looked it up online. The verse that I shall post in addition the ones from Isaiah also contains the word abundant. Maybe there's a theme here.

Ever heard the saying, "good things come to those who wait?" I should like to think that sentence is incomplete. Really, it should read, "Good things come to those who wait upon the Lord."


So many times, we see something that we wish to have. And we contemplate it. And we want it so much more and more. And we grow jealous of the people who have what we want. I struggle with being content. Do we not all? I've really been seeing how "godliness with contentment is great gain."1 Is not romance, or rather the lack of, one of the greatest struggles we single young adults face? Two of my friends, I've noticed, write a lot about this. Although their views differ much on the subject of romance, there are two things that are strikingly similar about them. One: They both want it. Two: They both want God's will to reign in their lives.
One will not date, as his convictions lead him to take such an action(or lack thereof). The other, hasn't such reservations, and would, I'm sure, gladly welcome romance right now. [Interesting to note the non-dater has a history of dating, and the wannabe (hehe sorry) hasn't a history of dating (right???)] Despite differing views, these two both read and follow the same Word. And in our beloved Book there are two verses I should like to include that I believe can go well with this topic.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
“ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
(Isaiah 55:8,9 NKJV)

And:

[He] is able to do exceedingly abundantly
above all that we ask or think. . .
(Ephesians 3:20 NKJV)


exceedingly abundantly. that sounds amazing. overwhelming. yay!


The point that I am trying to make here, is although we may want something, and be upset we don't have it, it's good to know that it's in God's hands. Our Creator does not wish to withhold good from us, but sometimes, "Now" isn't the best time. My beloved friends, I know that another person seems such a pressing need. Apparently, it's not God's will. But He's gonna take care of you way better than you could ever take care of yourself. Trust Him, He's faithful. His blessings are abundant, and many (That doesn't mean you can have concubines [you know who you are]!)


Dude, He's gonna bless us! That's just so exciting!!!!


1. 1 Timothy 6:6 NKJV

An Invitation to Abundant Life

Funny, the title of this post, "An Invitation to Abundant Life," came from the title for the text of Isaiah 55, when I looked it up online. The verse that I shall post in addition the ones from Isaiah also contains the word abundant. Maybe there's a theme here.

Ever heard the saying, "good things come to those who wait?" I should like to think that sentence is incomplete. Really, it should read, "Good things come to those who wait upon the Lord."


So many times, we see something that we wish to have. And we contemplate it. And we want it so much more and more. And we grow jealous of the people who have what we want. I struggle with being content. Do we not all? I've really been seeing how "godliness with contentment is great gain."1 Is not romance, or rather the lack of, one of the greatest struggles we single young adults face? Two of my friends, I've noticed, write a lot about this. Although their views differ much on the subject of romance, there are two things that are strikingly similar about them. One: They both want it. Two: They both want God's will to reign in their lives.
One will not date, as his convictions lead him to take such an action(or lack thereof). The other, hasn't such reservations, and would, I'm sure, gladly welcome romance right now. [Interesting to note the non-dater has a history of dating, and the wannabe (hehe sorry) hasn't a history of dating (right???)] Despite differing views, these two both read and follow the same Word. And in our beloved Book there are two verses I should like to include that I believe can go well with this topic.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
“ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
(Isaiah 55:8,9 NKJV)

And:

[He] is able to do exceedingly abundantly
above all that we ask or think. . .
(Ephesians 3:20 NKJV)


exceedingly abundantly. that sounds amazing. overwhelming. yay!


The point that I am trying to make here, is although we may want something, and be upset we don't have it, it's good to know that it's in God's hands. Our Creator does not wish to withhold good from us, but sometimes, "Now" isn't the best time. My beloved friends, I know that another person seems such a pressing need. Apparently, it's not God's will. But He's gonna take care of you way better than you could ever take care of yourself. Trust Him, He's faithful. His blessings are abundant, and many (That doesn't mean you can have concubines [you know who you are]!)


Dude, He's gonna bless us! That's just so exciting!!!!


1. 1 Timothy 6:6 NKJV

Nudity

know whats really funny? the pic below was removed by myspace admin

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You may feel singled out, but be assured that we delete each and every one of these images as we locate them. If you find an image which you feel is in violation of our Terms, please feel free to use the 'report image' link below the image.

Thanks for your understanding.

MySpace Safety & Security

i guess attack by a garage door is violent. or maybe it's cuz my fingered hadn't been dressed after that injury. nice

i hope my finger isnt broken. but it really hurts

I lost

my fight with the garage door. I hate garage doors. Safety features? my foot! Ok, yeah the old ones are bad, just ask Tiger the cat. Oh wait you can't. . .he's dead. . .

Well even if the dogs decide to be stupid, and then the OTHER cat tries to get out and the kids are chasing the dogs and everyone is late for school, be careful closing garage doors, car doors, &tc. I think deliberate action is a lot better than rushed, thoughtless manœuvres. Just ask my fingers. I guess it's good I have long arms, or I wouldn't have been able to reach to open the door and I would have been stuck there with 2 dogs and 2 kids on the loose. All this to keep ANOTHER cat from getting out. Nice going, Stan

Legacy

yes, we can all get bored of reading song lyrics. . .but I'd like to post a song that's been so loud to me:


(to hear the entire song, click here)

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done good and faithful one.."

It's important that I remember what I do here does matter. this is preparation for the afterlife. I just want to hear, "well done" when I get there


ps. . .the captions in orange on the collage at the bottom of the page are from this song!

When One Gets Paid to do What She Loves

I love kids. Ok, elementary aged kids have a tendency to scare me. Leave me alone with them for a while and we will be fine though. I've been with the kids since Friday afternoon. Oy vey, it has been a crazy 48 hours. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. I'm tired. I hate the bickering and whining. But do I have any regrets about this? No, I am glad to be here. I just have this satisfaction working with kids. Really, infants are my favourite, but does that mean I don't enjoy being with August and Patience. I like these kids. Sure they can be so difficult. But who's to say that which is easy is that which is good? I do not think it to be so. So often the greatest rewards are reaped from the greatest efforts. I think hard work is valuable. Again, value, investments, &tc. Remember, I believe people are our greatest investments? Maybe that is why I enjoy this so; because I feel that I am making some sort of contribution.

We went to church to-day. And to Albertson's, Costco for lunch, the mall, and Brengle Terrace Park. Then home. We had a lot of episodes to-day (oy vey!), but amazingly, they were best behaved in the car (and we spent 2 hours in the car!). For that I am glad; driving is so much more stressful with crazy kids, so I am so glad they were good. A good little blessing to-day :D

Urgency with Contentment

Ok, it's probably become pretty obvious I want out of California. People are starting to notice. I'm not discontent really. I just want to move. I shan't like to be considered ungrateful for what I have here. I truly do love so much what I have here, but I feel it is the wrong place for me. I see more that I am learning to be thankful for what I have. Gratitude, I believe, is crucial. . .at least for one who wishes to live a happy life. Can one be happy if they do not receive with thankfulness? I think not. But rather, one who can thank, even without the receipt of a blessing is the one who is happy. And so I wish to be. I admit, daily, I have want of some paltry things. But really, I think I am happy with what I have. I wish to earn more (Oh goodness, I hate debt), but maybe there are more sacrifices I could make, to give up certain expenditures that are not so necessary as I perceive them to be by my impulses in order to extrapolate myself from the pit of debt. I just want out of this place. And. . .I was thinking about work today. One reason I would love to nanny for an infant is that it gives me a chance to help develop their lifestyle as they mature. I would love to look at a child grow in the grace and knowledge of their Saviour and be able to have had a part in training that child. I want to have practise being a mommy; it's what I like, and I love to help people. It's not me, it's Jesus. Seriously. . .

Urgency with Contentment

Ok, it's probably become pretty obvious I want out of California. People are starting to notice. I'm not discontent really. I just want to move. I shan't like to be considered ungrateful for what I have here. I truly do love so much what I have here, but I feel it is the wrong place for me. I see more that I am learning to be thankful for what I have. Gratitude, I believe, is crucial. . .at least for one who wishes to live a happy life. Can one be happy if they do not receive with thankfulness? I think not. But rather, one who can thank, even without the receipt of a blessing is the one who is happy. And so I wish to be. I admit, daily, I have want of some paltry things. But really, I think I am happy with what I have. I wish to earn more (Oh goodness, I hate debt), but maybe there are more sacrifices I could make, to give up certain expenditures that are not so necessary as I perceive them to be by my impulses in order to extrapolate myself from the pit of debt. I just want out of this place. And. . .I was thinking about work today. One reason I would love to nanny for an infant is that it gives me a chance to help develop their lifestyle as they mature. I would love to look at a child grow in the grace and knowledge of their Saviour and be able to have had a part in training that child. I want to have practise being a mommy; it's what I like, and I love to help people. It's not me, it's Jesus. Seriously. . .

Oh the Joys of Motherhood!

To-day, August and Patience drove me absolutely crazy. Actually Paitce (sounds like Paishe, it's what we call her) was much less of a drama queen than usual, and she's sick. I hear her coughing even now. August. . .oh wow! Drama all day. We tried to go to the park, he, Paitce, the two dogs and I. . .he on his scooter. . .We had issues with him crossing the street. I warned him thrice; at the third time I told him we would walk back home to put his scooter there then walk to the park again. Well a minute later, off he goes across a street without waiting for me. So I told him we were going back then. He started crying and yelling standing there on the street. I got him to the corner, then he announced he would proceed to the park sans us girls and canines. I had by then taken his scooter, left it on the sidewalk and tried to reason with him. . .so he took off across the street. That is the worst thing for someone like me to see--the mom gene kicks in really fast! I tied the dogs around a post, told Paitce to wait and not move (I knew she would listen) and took off after August. He hopped over a small wall and was sprinting away from me. My longer legs and rush of maternal adrenaline facilitated a quick catch up. I tried picking him up, but he kept going limp, crying and such. I got him up, carried him over the wall, across the street to Patience and the dogs, with him hysterical. I was able to carry him so he couldn't kick, but being a dead weight and attempting to kick, he was getting heavy. I put him down and made him hold my hand while we walked back, and Paitce got to ride the scooter. He told me "you were right, I need to rest in my room for a while"(!). Of course the dogs took off when I opened the door for them, since they had just got their collars off. We got the dogs and all went inside. I sent him to his room to calm down. Then came the pesky,

"Can I come out now?"

"No, it's only been 15 minutes, you need to rest."

" But why?!?!?" *tears* *yelling*

My point exactly.

Repeat, except maybe change it to "I'm hungry" or "I have to go potty" (I let him do that, because at this point I am not sure if it is just a cop-out or for real)
We also had some after dinner drama. I sent him to his room, and luckily he fell asleep pretty fast. Goes to show he was tired. He fell asleep two hours earlier than usual.

I'm tired!

I don't live here

I've noticed that in everything I do these days, I do it as a visitor. I'm not just a visitor to this planet, but I'm living as a visitor to the towns here. I just don't feel like I belong in California. I have an unsatisfaction not with what I have but with where I am. It's not home. I don't want to live here. It's a nice place and all, it's just not MY place.

I lost my heart

Lost: the heart of an 18 year old girl. Responds to the name "Lala." If found, please call owner at 917.7852. Although lost in CA, it will most likely be found in another state.

I realised my heart just isn't in California. Ok, I've known that for quite a while now, but it's screaming louder and louder for me to join it in ----. I love SoCal. I have lived in Oceanside and Vista my entire life. I love downtown San Diego. I enjoy driving PCH through North County Coastal. I love standing on the beach and feeling the crisp salty wind and the warm sun. But I want out. I'm living in Irvine right now. I've liked coming up here since about the third time I went to see the Torres family. Actually, I do have fond memories of this place even before I met them. This is my second try at working in the OC. Yeah, it's great, but at the same time, it's work. I love what I do, and I'm gonna keep working hard at it. But my heart is not in it, because it's hundreds of miles away. There's nothing wrong with where I live, I have no problems with my job. I'm not apathetic--my heart is somewhere, just not here. Maybe the problem is me. I just can't stand to be trapped here. I've some debt, it's a trap. I don't have a place to live when I am done working here in 2.5 weeks. What should I do? Why not leave the state? Sure, it's hard since I have no money, maybe almost impossible, but isn't that what California is? Seriously, how many young adults can afford to be self-sufficient in SoCal? I don't know any. Everyone I know from high school is still living at home. Most of them don't have to pay their parents rent, they don't have a car payment, car insurance, gas, health insurance, etc to pay. Well, guess what, I do! And I'm behind. People make less in other places than they do here, but the rent for an apartment is half the price. I moved out two weeks after I turned 18. Lol, guess who my closest friends are. . .hmm, the ones who moved out at 17 and 19. The ones whose hearts (and even physical selves) are in other places. Maybe their influence, their advantage in wisdom and experiece have made an effect on my burning desire to get out. But I wanted it independently of them. . .they help fan the flame. . .I'm leaving here as soon as possible. I'll find my heart in ---.

I want. . .

[. . .]
In the mean time. . .I have got to get out of here. I can't sit still. . .I may just have to marry a military man. But I foresee settling down somewhere. I just feel like I have no reason to be in CA right now. Can you give me one? The world is getting smaller. Staying in one place is too small. What used to be a planet is now a country. What used to be a country is now a state. What used to be a state is now a city, possibly excepting CA, it's like 10 states! I moved an hour away. I like it here, but not enough. I need to see more. I need to be more. I can't afford this place. I don't have kids. I don't have a house. I don't even have a place to live. I don't have the perfect job. I don't think I have a reason to stay here. I desperately need friends, but maybe I can enjoy my real friends from a distance. Farewell my fair weather friends, the farther I move, the more evident you are. I hate to ask much of my friends, I hate to expect it, but I like to know it's there when I need it. Thank you Crystal for all the nights you let me stay in your room. Thank you Daniel, for all the nights you would let me stay at your place.

I am still in shock at Dan's offer. I don't know anyone who would offer such a thing, given the circumstances. Who needs just a friend when you can have a brother? I don't want fair weather friends. I want forever friends.

Please, let me leave this hell-hole.

I'm sick of money. Even now, I want just a little more. . .so I can---. I'm afraid it will never be enough for me. I don't want to just plan for a easy future. I want to plan for a blessed future. Why invest monetarily for that which will be of no value when my breath is last expired? I'd much rather invest in a treasure that will last me forever. I'm not going to find that treasure as long as I live in pleasure and in luxury. I cry, "make this easy" but forget that He could've made it easy, and instead chose to suffer and to die for me. . . why then do I not exhaust every last resource in a real investment? I've already writ about what I believe a good investment is (prior post) all I have is the from the Lord. . .yet I find that 10% hard to give. How much more does he deserve all 100%? Why must I continue in petty pursuits and empty endeavours. Can I not live for tomorrow?

I want. . .

[. . .]
In the mean time. . .I have got to get out of here. I can't sit still. . .I may just have to marry a military man. But I foresee settling down somewhere. I just feel like I have no reason to be in CA right now. Can you give me one? The world is getting smaller. Staying in one place is too small. What used to be a planet is now a country. What used to be a country is now a state. What used to be a state is now a city, possibly excepting CA, it's like 10 states! I moved an hour away. I like it here, but not enough. I need to see more. I need to be more. I can't afford this place. I don't have kids. I don't have a house. I don't even have a place to live. I don't have the perfect job. I don't think I have a reason to stay here. I desperately need friends, but maybe I can enjoy my real friends from a distance. Farewell my fair weather friends, the farther I move, the more evident you are. I hate to ask much of my friends, I hate to expect it, but I like to know it's there when I need it. Thank you Crystal for all the nights you let me stay in your room. Thank you Daniel, for all the nights you would let me stay at your place.

I am still in shock at Dan's offer. I don't know anyone who would offer such a thing, given the circumstances. Who needs just a friend when you can have a brother? I don't want fair weather friends. I want forever friends.

Please, let me leave this hell-hole.

I'm sick of money. Even now, I want just a little more. . .so I can---. I'm afraid it will never be enough for me. I don't want to just plan for a easy future. I want to plan for a blessed future. Why invest monetarily for that which will be of no value when my breath is last expired? I'd much rather invest in a treasure that will last me forever. I'm not going to find that treasure as long as I live in pleasure and in luxury. I cry, "make this easy" but forget that He could've made it easy, and instead chose to suffer and to die for me. . . why then do I not exhaust every last resource in a real investment? I've already writ about what I believe a good investment is (prior post) all I have is the from the Lord. . .yet I find that 10% hard to give. How much more does he deserve all 100%? Why must I continue in petty pursuits and empty endeavours. Can I not live for tomorrow?

Investments

I am convinced that the most important thing I can do is love--to love God, and to love his people. What is love? Love is a conscious choice to give up one’s needs and desires in order to elevate another’s. It is servanthood; sacrifice that does not regard the merit or response of it’s object but is based solely upon the giver. Love is putting another person ahead of oneself.
As I’ve grown, I’ve realised we don’t know when life will end. We do not know the number of our breaths. So why waste them? Why waste our breaths on the things that have no future? Of what benefit is it to pursue money, fame, and pleasure if it will only last as long as our breaths? But, you see, people have souls, they are eternal beings--they will be in either Heaven or Hell for eternity. Can we not invest in the future? People are the future, be it the future on earth or the future in eternity. They, then, I believe are the most valuable investments we can make, the rewards are eternal!

Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat upon it, from whose presence earth and heaven fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire This is the second death, the lake of fire.And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.
So, then, shall we not seek to serve others every day? Shall we not make love, Christ-like love, our defining attribute? Shall we not seek to love people, not to death but to Life? Remember. . .what you do here matters!

5 April 2008

Investments

I am convinced that the most important thing I can do is love--to love God, and to love his people. What is love? Love is a conscious choice to give up one’s needs and desires in order to elevate another’s. It is servanthood; sacrifice that does not regard the merit or response of it’s object but is based solely upon the giver. Love is putting another person ahead of oneself.
As I’ve grown, I’ve realised we don’t know when life will end. We do not know the number of our breaths. So why waste them? Why waste our breaths on the things that have no future? Of what benefit is it to pursue money, fame, and pleasure if it will only last as long as our breaths? But, you see, people have souls, they are eternal beings--they will be in either Heaven or Hell for eternity. Can we not invest in the future? People are the future, be it the future on earth or the future in eternity. They, then, I believe are the most valuable investments we can make, the rewards are eternal!

Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat upon it, from whose presence earth and heaven fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire This is the second death, the lake of fire.And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.
So, then, shall we not seek to serve others every day? Shall we not make love, Christ-like love, our defining attribute? Shall we not seek to love people, not to death but to Life? Remember. . .what you do here matters!

5 April 2008

Defining Love

The quest to define love is quite familiar to just about everyone. Love is defined in a myriad of ways, varying fantastically from on definition to another. It is commonly defined as an emotion that is often paired with affection, but dictionary definitions of the word vary from a strong liking to sexual attraction to a warm feeling toward something. It has been characterised by fictional characters, mostly in the sexual sense, as Eros, Cupid, and the like. Love is a common conversation topic, yet, despite the constant attention to love, it is generally elusive—many question its existence in relationships. As François de la Rochefoucald said, "true love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.

While the world is perplexed by this concept, the Bible offers some explicit and concise definitions of love. In First John, love is said to be characterised by Christ's death for mankind. It says in verse ten of the fourth chapter, "In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." In verse seven of the same chapter, it says, "love is of God". The biblical definition of the word love here applies to the Greek word agape, which refers to love as a deliberate choice by the one who loves and is not based upon any kind of merit. Is does not require any esteem or specific behaviour of the recipient. It exists merely because the one who loves chooses to love. It is an unconditional love. As Mike Reed, a family and marriage pastor said, "Love, true love, pure love, love that this world will never understand, begins, continues, and ends in the heart of God. His love is independent of ours. It does not respond to ours. It just is." He further defines it not as a feeling or emotion but as an action: as he put it, "the emotion will follow the motion."

The action of love is characterised by sixteen separate descriptions in the book of First Corinthians chapter thirteen. It is said to suffer long, be kind, and not envy, nor parade itself, be puffed up, behave rudely, seek its own, become provoked, think any evil, or rejoice in iniquity. Furthermore, it is portrayed as rejoicing in truth, believing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things, and never failing. Another description of love, found in First John 4:18 conveys love as casting out fear.

The movie, "Fiddler on the Roof," based on a play depicting the life of the Jews in Russia at the turn of the century, when marriages were arranged, has a great song about love. The main character, Tevye, asks his wife Golde, "Do you love me?" She does not directly answer, but instead replies, "For 25 years I've washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked your cow…If that's not love, what is?" She goes on to say, or rather, sing, that she does love him. I find this to be a good display of what love is. It is a commitment and devotion to the object of your love and includes the aspects described in the Bible.

Obviously, this love varies greatly from the general concept of love found in secular circles. The popular theory seems more natural, as it is widespread, yet many cannot seem to fulfill the requirements of the secular description. If many claim they know what love is, why does it seem so unattainable, even by those who claim to know exactly what love is? Maybe it is because the popular definition is in fact fallacious. Maybe the Bible really is correct, and love is different than many see it. Next time you use the words, "I love you," ask yourself what actions you take to show it.

Ok, my last paragraph is terrible! Last sentence is ok. I guess since I think it needs work that means I've become a better writer??? It was over 2 years ago that I wrote this. . .

March 2006

Humilty yields obedience

If we would begin to live in humility, I wonder how much differently we would treat other people. There are so many different forms that pride takes; in fact, it is the basis of every sin. If we had a truly reverent fear of God, would we disobey Him? No, we would not. But we begin to think that something else could possibly be better. Because, whether we admit and/or realise it or not, we think we know better than God does. He says, "Do not do that. It will hurt you," yet we decide to anyway, thinking that the moment of pleasure could not possibly be harmful. How blind are we really to our pride? I think more than we know. "But He gives more grace. Therefore He says, 'God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.'" (James 4:6) If only we would clothe ourselves in humility more often! Not only would our walk with God be so much more blessed, but maybe we would begin to truly esteem others better than ourselves. How often do we treat someone differently once we know about a certain sin that they have done or are continuing to do? To cite an example, look at how we scorn those who practise homosexuality! There is no different gospel that they need. They are not, in essence, any different from anyone else. What were you before you came to Christ? You were a sinner. There is not a different gospel for the "really bad sinners." Christ died once for all sin. You need nothing less, and nothing more than His innocent blood to save you. And it is the same with gay-identified people. But why can Christians be so hateful in their treatment of LGBT people? Just because you may not have struggled with the same things they have does not make you any better. They need love. We all need love. It was love that motivated Christ to sacrifice His life to save us from eternal Hell. Soak that in. Love is our salvation. We were going to Hell, but He loved us, wretched sinners that we were, and called us His own. Now, what right have we to look down upon those who have sinned in some way we have not? They have no more guilt. "For whoever keeps the whole law but stumbles in one point, he is guilty of all." (James 2:10) We never know who struggles with what. Because there are some things we never will say to each other. Christians are not immune to homosexual feelings. We do not choose what our flesh says. We do not choose our temptations. "Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:12, 13) We just choose what we do with them. And loving them, and dwelling on them is still idolising them, for when they are at the front of our thoughts, how can God possibly exist there, among the darkness? A gay person is no less deserving of love. The Truth is we are all sinners and Christ died for our sins. When one truly realises that, their 'I would never do that's quickly die; for at the foot of the cross, pride cannot possibly exist. Did Christ have to die a different death for certain sins? No! It was one death that triumphed all sin once and for all. Now I hope that thinking about this will make us realise the hatred needs to stop. Yes, that means the demeaning names, the crude jokes, etc. It is not funny. When it comes to God, you are either a sinner or a sinner cleansed by the blood of Christ. Christians need not be afraid to step outside of the socially-accepted boundaries in order to love. I do not condone homosexuality. But neither do I see people only for their sins. I mean, gosh, if you all knew what I have done…I would not have any friends! I do not support sin. I support people. Remember, Jesus astounded many when he talked to the woman at the well in John 4—the woman was surprised and so were His disciples. Yeah, some people might treat you differently when you choose to love someone who is gay. But whose approval are you looking for? And maybe those you befriend who are gay will be surprised. Some do not even realise that a Christian can, in fact, be loving. The hatred stops here. I will not tolerate any sort of hatred toward my gay friends.

The focus of this post is not homosexuality--it is an example. My main point here is that it is pride that is the source of our sin.

22 August 2007

Humilty yields obedience

If we would begin to live in humility, I wonder how much differently we would treat other people. There are so many different forms that pride takes; in fact, it is the basis of every sin. If we had a truly reverent fear of God, would we disobey Him? No, we would not. But we begin to think that something else could possibly be better. Because, whether we admit and/or realise it or not, we think we know better than God does. He says, "Do not do that. It will hurt you," yet we decide to anyway, thinking that the moment of pleasure could not possibly be harmful. How blind are we really to our pride? I think more than we know. "But He gives more grace. Therefore He says, 'God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.'" (James 4:6) If only we would clothe ourselves in humility more often! Not only would our walk with God be so much more blessed, but maybe we would begin to truly esteem others better than ourselves. How often do we treat someone differently once we know about a certain sin that they have done or are continuing to do? To cite an example, look at how we scorn those who practise homosexuality! There is no different gospel that they need. They are not, in essence, any different from anyone else. What were you before you came to Christ? You were a sinner. There is not a different gospel for the "really bad sinners." Christ died once for all sin. You need nothing less, and nothing more than His innocent blood to save you. And it is the same with gay-identified people. But why can Christians be so hateful in their treatment of LGBT people? Just because you may not have struggled with the same things they have does not make you any better. They need love. We all need love. It was love that motivated Christ to sacrifice His life to save us from eternal Hell. Soak that in. Love is our salvation. We were going to Hell, but He loved us, wretched sinners that we were, and called us His own. Now, what right have we to look down upon those who have sinned in some way we have not? They have no more guilt. "For whoever keeps the whole law but stumbles in one point, he is guilty of all." (James 2:10) We never know who struggles with what. Because there are some things we never will say to each other. Christians are not immune to homosexual feelings. We do not choose what our flesh says. We do not choose our temptations. "Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:12, 13) We just choose what we do with them. And loving them, and dwelling on them is still idolising them, for when they are at the front of our thoughts, how can God possibly exist there, among the darkness? A gay person is no less deserving of love. The Truth is we are all sinners and Christ died for our sins. When one truly realises that, their 'I would never do that's quickly die; for at the foot of the cross, pride cannot possibly exist. Did Christ have to die a different death for certain sins? No! It was one death that triumphed all sin once and for all. Now I hope that thinking about this will make us realise the hatred needs to stop. Yes, that means the demeaning names, the crude jokes, etc. It is not funny. When it comes to God, you are either a sinner or a sinner cleansed by the blood of Christ. Christians need not be afraid to step outside of the socially-accepted boundaries in order to love. I do not condone homosexuality. But neither do I see people only for their sins. I mean, gosh, if you all knew what I have done…I would not have any friends! I do not support sin. I support people. Remember, Jesus astounded many when he talked to the woman at the well in John 4—the woman was surprised and so were His disciples. Yeah, some people might treat you differently when you choose to love someone who is gay. But whose approval are you looking for? And maybe those you befriend who are gay will be surprised. Some do not even realise that a Christian can, in fact, be loving. The hatred stops here. I will not tolerate any sort of hatred toward my gay friends.

The focus of this post is not homosexuality--it is an example. My main point here is that it is pride that is the source of our sin.

22 August 2007

Life after high school

I wrote this letter to a friend and read it to the senior class at the senior breakfast. As I said to them, it is obvious it is written to a guy but is still applicable to the girls.

Congratulations, dear friend! You have completed all of your mandatory school work. You have a world of options. With each passing day, you will continue to learn whether or not you further your education. You can learn anything. But let me tell you, the best thing you will ever learn is to learn Christ. Realise; truly realise, make it real to you that apart from Christ you have no life. You're off to a good start having walked with Him for years. At Calvary, you were safe doing that. Now there will be many trying to steer you away, even if you remain in a Christian "bubble" of sorts. You are at a very vulnerable age; your world is greatly expanding, you're gaining independence, and you might just feel ready to go for it. You are an adult by legal definition. But your brain and your body are not done growing yet. Take good care of God's temple. He has entrusted a precious child [yourself] to you. Feed your mind with His word. The ideas that the world shoves down are sweet to the tongue, but bitter to the stomach. They kill. They destroy. But Christ has for you the words of Life. Take care of your body. As it finishes developing, it must have the proper nutrients. Take care of your heart. Watch out for girls! Seriously you need to protect your sisters, but also protect yourself. We've been taught to save our bodies, but realise your heart too must be saved. No matter how perfect a girl is, your heart should be saved until you seal a commitment before God. Imagine yourself on your wedding day. Do you want a girl from your past to show up and say to your bride, "Look what he gave me. I have a portion of his heart. He can't give it all to you because he gave some to me."

There may be days when you are so tempted to walk away from the Lord. Satan knows you are at a very vulnerable age. Remember, it is death. It probably won't be immediate, you may not feel it, just like one never feels the first cancerous cell. It's not until it's multiplied that it is noticed, and by then the damage is done.

It may take awhile for graduation to hit you. It took me months. Your life will be completely different from now on. I may be younger than you, but I have been graduated for a year. I've made mistakes and I've learned from some of them. Scholastic matters have all but lost importance to me. I've realised that it really doesn't matter (no matter what the world of Christian friends say) if you go to school. All that matters is what you do for eternity and that you are in God's will. Jesus is coming back soon. Your life is but a vapour. Live a life of love. Serve the Lord with your entire being and you will be full of life, joy, and value. Humble is the greatest place to be. I love you dear brother.

Psalm 27:13, 14

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!

(written early June 2007)

Oh, how I wish that I followed this after I wrote it. What a hypocrite I am!

To Start

I will start by posting some recent things I posted on my myspace blog. These posts shall serve as an introduction to my life and to the heart within me. Here goes: