ambivalence

Sometimes I can't exactly tell how I feel about California. I have so many ambitions, and sometimes one located in the golden state sneaks into my thoughts. I've considered coming back to Bible college. My aunt needs a nanny. But the whole money thing is hard. I have my dream job. I don't know what I want to do much less what God wants. I also think I want to move to Lubbock. But again I have my dream job. I have a bird in my hand. Why search for the ones in the bush?

I think I'm just stir crazy. I'm very transient I think.

Maybe I'll finish these thoughts later

borderline

Keep your soul in mind when you reach that borderline
There's a crossing that divides right from wrong
There's a line in the sand
Have you chosen where you stand?
You can linger but you can't linger long
When you're standin' at the borderline…

Better believe that there'll be snares
Better believe you'll see your share
Better believe temptation's gonna come around
You gonna stumble here and there
You gonna think that life's not fair
You gonna feel just like the world is tryin' to bring you down

There's a fork in the road
Do you know which way to go?
You can't always see what's comin' round the bend
You better watch for the signs if you're gonna walk that line
Or you just might have to turn around again
Turn around…

Standin' at the borderline

--Borderline--newworldson

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. . .But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord Joshua 24:15

Therefore let him who think he stands take heed lest he fall.
1 Corinthians 10:12

"No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and depsise the other. You cannot serve both God and mammon."
Luke 16:13

It just takes one

What if we moved
What if we wandered
Took a reckless ride to the other side of the tracks
What if we knew somebody’s story
Would we write them off like a number on a check

Or could we be the only souls
Who take the time to love and find
The beauty in a nameless face

(It just takes one)
It just takes one
One to step out from the crowd,
And show what love is all about
One, (it just takes one)
To change a life forever, touch the world
And make it better
(it just takes one)

So what if we moved with no hesitations
And learn to love the least of these without reserve
Let’s spark a change in this generation
And let our actions speak louder than our words

And what if there’s a world in need of hope
That only we can bring
Brighter than the midday sun

(It just takes one)
It just takes one
One to step out from the crowd,
And show what love is all about
One, (it just takes one)
One To change a life forever, touch the world
And make it better
(make it better)
(it just takes one)
One(It just takes one)
It just takes one
One to step out from the crowd,
And show what love is all about
One, (it just takes one)
One To change a life forever, touch the world
And make it better

One(It just takes one)
It just takes one
One to step out from the crowd,
And show what love is all about
One, (it just takes one)
One To change a life forever, touch the world
And make it better

--It Just takes one--Addison Road

One person CAN make a difference.
Look at our Saviour. He's still impacting the world 2000 years later
But, you say, he doesn't count, he's God. Well, what about Mother Theresa? Jim Elliot and Nate Saint? Eric Liddell? Chuck Smith?

Step outside of the boundaries society drew for you. Don't be afraid to be radical.

The people I mentioned above didn't make a difference with their money or their power or their intelligence. They did it by being a willing servant with a heart for God and His people.

Whether you realy realise it or not, you have a reputation. What kind of reputation are you making for yourself?

peppermint oreo bark

This treat is named 'Peppermint Oreo Bark' for 2 reasons: it looks like an Oreo and has a peppermint flavour and it contains Cool Mint Creme Doublestuf Oreos.

Here's what you'll need:
16 oz (1pkg) chocolate flavoured Candiquik/bark/dipping chocolate
12 oz (12 squares, or 3/4 pkg) white chocolate Candiquik &tc.
1/2 c crushed candy canes/starlight mints
8 crushed Mint Oreos
Peppermint oil (don't use water based flavourings!)

This recipe should fill a 9x13 pan (I used a 9 inch cake pan for about a third of this amount and it didn't quite fill it) . A cookie sheet will also work

Line the pan with wax paper

Melt half the chocolate according to the directions (just use a microwave!)
Mix in half the crushed Oreos, spead in a thin layer on the pan. Place in fridge until hardened (5-10 min)
Melt the white chocolate, stir in crushed candy canes, and a few drops of peppermint oil (a chopstick works well to catch a single drop at a time) and spread directly over the chocolate. Place in fridge until hardedned. Melt the remaining chocolate, mix in oreos, and spread across the white chocolate. Place in fridge till hardened, the break apart into small pieces.

Pics will be up soon!

White as snow

'Come now, and let us reason together,' Says the LORD, 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.' Isaiah 1:18


His clothes became shining, exceedingly white, like snow, such as no launderer on earth can whiten them. Mark 9:3

Before I moved to Colorado I didn't realise just how white snow is. It reflects SO much light. Last night as I was looking around me, I realised I could see quite well. We have been told in science that white is a reflection of all the colours of light. That is why the smallest amount of light hitting snow will make it easy to see. During the day, the snow is SO bright and at night even with thick low clouds and no moon it's pretty easy to see around.

Something to think about. When we are cleansed from our sin, and this white as snow, we reflect the light.

Nasty four letter word

Wait.

Seems so bad sometimes to just wait.

We want everything now. We move at such a fast pace that we don't have time to wait--to wait in lines, to wait on God, to wait for His blessings.

Romance seems to be an area in which this four letter word is virtually unknown. We don't wait patiently for us to meet the right person. We don't wait to enjoy certain benefits of marriage-but rather hop into bed with the first [willing, attractive, &tc.] person we come across.

But what if we aren't called to be searching for our next lover? Should we not just be busy doing our duties as Isaac and Rebekah did? Should we not trust that our Maker is also our Matchmaker?

Arranged marriage seems so bad to us. . .but I think Jewish ladies must have had it nice. They knew someone was working on their behalf to bring them a spouse that they would learn to love. Note the use of the word 'learn.' They didn't believe in love at first sight as a determining factor for their companion!

I'll be frank. I want romance. I'm tired of waiting. hello, my biological clock is ticking!!! jk, I'm still a little young for that. I want to think I'm ready to give myself to another person and to love him daily. But then I wonder, maybe I'm not ready. Would I become bitter and feel obligated to serve instead of being a joyful servant? Could I care for a man, much less kids?

I wonder why God hasn't told me who I will marry, or when, or even if I will


. . .

but maybe there is good reason for that

Wait
by Russell Kelfer


Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Consequence

I feel rather under the weather now. I'm fighting the stomach flu, as two other members of this household have already done. Luckily i haven't thrown up. . . Yet. But i feel so gross. I had to hand e over to his dad who is fighting it too. . . And all of us slept/rested the rest of the afternoon. I was thinking. . . What if i felt like this every time i sinned? It would probably be hard to find me sinning these days if that was the case. But it's not. . . I can't wait for heaven when i don't have to deal with these blasted viruses any more! Now excuse me while i lay here in bed and try not to hurl.

What do I Know of Holy?

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all. . .No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

"What do I Know of Holy," Addison Road


Sometimes, I really think that I really know God. And often, He surprises me by doing something I totally didn't expect--which causes me to realise I really don't know Him as I though I did. This blog is named after the Emmaus Road. If you're unfamiliar with it, see the note on the left side that answers the question, "what is the Emmaus Road?" And, in the "about me," I mention that I didn't immediately recognise when it was God who was putting His mark on me. "If you touched my face would I know You?" No, often I don't. I wonder why I have a burning desire to do one thing or another (no, Mad, not the kind of burning that lady at the Skillet concert experienced), and it can take me forever to realise it's God preparing me for something. Seriously, how the heck did I get out here? In high school my mom wanted to move out here and I was LIVID!!! I did not want to move out of California. . .EVER! Then suddenly I did, and within a month of seriously wanting to move, I did! A MONTH!!! " I think I made You too small" I never thought You could do that!

" I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees"

I knew my Bible, and I knew it well. Danyo has called me multiple times a 'walking concordance,' but for the longest time, that's all I was. I could point you to a passage of Scripture, but I didn't really know it. I could quote it, but it wasn't real to me. When I finally began to see dimly who God really is, I was broken. I've never known how to love Him like I do now. The Word was never alive to me. Sometimes a verse would stand out, and I would try to make it real. I tried to pray. I tried to worship. I tried to read my Bible. I tried. but I failed. Sure, I loved singing, but I didn't know how to praise Him and really really mean it. And I could memorise Scripture but not meditate. I don't really know how He became so real. I think He just met me with my puny faith, and led me to where He wanted me. I still struggle with prayer. But He has been so faithful to me. He answered my prayers from yesterday in about 23 hours, after I decided not to mention my issue to anyone for 24 hours! I was like, wow, I called out to God first, and He showed Himself strong on my behalf. Prayer used to be in my mind a formal appointment with God. But then I learned I don't need to make an appointment, because He is right there with me all the time! In January when I was a nanny for the twins, I used to do their Awanas with them, and they once memorised a part of a verse in the Psalms that said, "evening, morning, and noon I cry out." Duuuuude, it's so awesome to just be able to say, Lord, HELP!! when something comes up, not just adding it to a list of prayers to say in the morning!


Interesting this song mentions "mighty to save" Zephaniah 3:17 was the semester verse when I was at Bible college: The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. In the NIV, it says He is mighty to save. This verse keeps coming to me in various ways lately. . .how many times has "God" just been His name, and not His characteristics? He is mighty. How can my finite mind comprehend the extent of His great strength? What does it take to suspend the stars in the sky? I can't even begin to think what kind of a system it would take to put them there, much less hold them up! Human intelligence cannot comprehend how we dust mounds have the ability to think, much less be alive, but it was no 'work' for God! I could also get started on the anomalous properties of water, but I already grazed that subject back in Bible college. And. . .He is mighty to save me. . .and the 7 billion other people alive today and the billions of years past. How then do I so often forget, He is God, and He can ----?

Primrose, Master Criminal

there once was a cat named Primrose

such an awkward and unusual kitty

with a crooked tail and thirty-two toes

but for this strange little puss we have no pity

she began her life on a cold winter night

with no owner and nothing to munch on

yes, this somehow expains her, in her own right

still no one knows why she chose the life of a feline felon

maybe it was because her ma was a nip addict

or because her pa was a really mean tom

can these really explain the actions of a convict

perhaps because she was not loved, and she never knew it was wrong

then one day she stole a precious ball of cheese

alas her life of crime quickly drew to a close

as the asthmatic cat bent over and wheezed

and that's when they caught her, that master criminal Primrose

and so thus ends our tale

of that mischievious young gel

Primrose

Annabelle M and Madison B, 2006

Every Evil Thing

Confusion seems to be an epidemic in the church, caused by a nasty germ called deception.

As Christians, we need to keep clarity. Our faith is not a blind faith!

2 Corinthians 5:7 says we walk by faith and not by sight but this doesn't mean we close our eyes to what is going on around us. It doesn't mean we believe everything that we hear taught from the pulpit or from our friends.

I don't know where this topic came from. . .it's on my mind all of a sudden, but I think it may come from this verse I read this morning:
Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things from Your law. (Psalm 119:18)
The Bereans were noted in Scripture "that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so." (Acts 17:11)
We must take everything we hear and compare it to the truth of the Bible before we begin to let it alter the way we live.

Christianity is not for people who want to leave their minds behind along with their common sense.

2 Timothy 1:7 tells us:
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Compare this to the religions that use mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol. Seriously, the heck?! These and even other religions (including some denominations of Christianity) that don't use mind altering substances can have a great amount of hullabaloo and chaos, but that's not what God wants.

1 Corinthians 14 has a good-sized text stating that church meetings are to be orderly.
Verse 33 reads:
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints


I have been hearing all around me lately that you have to learn to love yourself before you love others. This really gets me fired up! WE DON'T NEED TO LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES!!!! We already do. It's natural. You may say, oh I hate myself, I'm such a terrible person. Yeah, you are a sinner. I already knew that. "self-hate" is pride! Admit you're a sinner, because it is true! But to say that your life doesn't mean anything is to say that God is wrong--he didn't create you for grins and giggles. He has a purpose for your life. You are made in his image. So, you hate what God made?

Ephesians 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

We are to live a life of humility and service to each other, and not look for ways to serve ourselves, but to serve the body.

James 3:16
For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

Note: because English is not a very precise and accurate language, to some "loving oneself" is simply to take care of themselves. In the Bible health and hygiene are clearly supported. We are also told multiple times that our bodies our God's temple, housing the Holy Spirit. What I am speaking against is consistently putting personal wants and pleasures before the needs and even pleasures of others. Our need for food and sleep should lead to our humility because we must realise God made us to need those things. We are not self-sufficient but depend on Him and on other people for our well-being. And if you are responsible for another person (your child/ren, of if you are a man, your wife), then you must take care of them before giving of your time and resources to others. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us: But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Light & Darkness

Light has no true opposite. No, darkness and light are not on the same plane. See, light is measurable. It consists of waves and particles. Light consists of colour. It can be bent, separated, altered, and it can travel through a filter. Darkness cannot. Darkness is not a thing, but merely the absence of light. An interesting thing I realised is that technically light is both an abstract and a concrete noun-it is truly unique in that it is an idea and intangible but it is also made up of particles which would seem to qualify it is a concrete noun. Interesting to note that light in the Bible is considered to be 'good' and darkness 'evil,' as darkness is the absence of light so evil is the absence of good. Note that in the Genesis account there was darkness before God created light. How could it exist if God didn't create it? Because it isn't a thing-just the absence of one. So too, God the creator of all things didn't create evil-evil exists where his goodness is not, where man expels God.

Genesis 1
1In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

2The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.

3Then God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light.

4God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"


Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

Ephesians 5:8

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light

Oh Compie!

Ugh this just made me mad, so my next computer definitely won't be a mac. I'm sure all the PC companies would have similar views, but I haven't heard them yet.

I read this off the Apple start page today:

No on Prop 8

Apple is publicly opposing Proposition 8 and making a donation of $100,000 to the No on 8 campaign. Apple was among the first California companies to offer equal rights and benefits to our employees’ same-sex partners, and we strongly believe that a person’s fundamental rights — including the right to marry — should not be affected by their sexual orientation. Apple views this as a civil rights issue, rather than just a political issue, and is therefore speaking out publicly against Proposition 8.



If you wanna call me narrow-minded, go read this entire blog and you will see what I have to say about homosexuality

Heavenlies [sequel to "Time (But God)"]

I ended up getting the words to "Heavenlies," written by my youth pastor, Evan Wickham. I highly recommend his album "Mysterious Things" (this song is not on it) Also, watch for some new music. I think his wife told me he's got 3 projects going (okay that was quite a while ago she told me that, so I'm not sure if he's still doing all of them)

I'm waiting for the time
I look into your eyes
And I am there with You my God
I'm waiting for the day
You wipe these tears away
And I am there with you my God

In Your glory all adoring in awe
I will bow down in your presence my God
I'm living for the heavenlies
I'm living for the heavenlies
When all of you is all I see
I'm living for the heavenlies

I want to run to win In this race I'm in
Let Heaven's work begin in me
When Your reward is mine
When I cross that line
And hear Your words
"Well done, my love"

In Your glory all adoring in awe
I will bow down in Your presence my God
I'm living for the heavenlies
I'm living for the heavenlies
When all of you is all I see
I'm living for the heavenlies

--Evan Wickham

If you're a citizen of heaven, are you living for the heavenlies? Do people know you as a citizen based on your life? God is on the throne and will be worshiped for all eternity. Are you living a life of worship? I actually have a Bible study on my iPod that Evan taught 2 years ago titled, "Worship" Worship, as he says, is worthship--ascribing worth to God. Is your life a life that brings glory, honour and praise to God? Worship is more than singing. It's a lifestyle.

Stupid blogger, what I had ^ before was better and it deleted it because it's "temporarily unavailable" they say the scheduled outage is at 8 PDT. Well its like 1 PDT!!!

Every Season

I like the song Every Season by Nichole Nordeman.

yes she is one of my favourite artists!

I'm so excited about Fall here. It snowed a couple of inches last night! I was in the hot tub watching it snow. Most of the snow melted (it wasn't even that warm today!) but there is still some where it was shady. I can't wait till the next snow. I just don't like ice. I slipped a few times today, but was able to keep my balance. Falling on ice hurts! I'd never really seen snow fall--only once at camp, but I had bad memories, as it was just the right amount to all turn to ice.

It looks cool to see green grass poking through patches of snow.

Pharma 23

The Psych is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

He maketh me to sit down in green armchairs:

He giveth me a glass of still water.

He shalt "restore my soul! And leadeth me down the path of the
pharmaceuticals for my own sake!"

Yea(h), even though I shalt then walk through

the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil:

For Selective Serotonin Reuptake

Inhibitors art with me!

Thy words though they're lies, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a prescription before me for

presentation to mine chemist: thou anointest my

Brain with drugs; my serotonin runneth over.

Surely Big Pharma shall haunt me

all the days of my life: and I shalt live

in a brain badly damaged

forever.

FALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

It is Fall-y here!
Lol or maybe Fall-E
The trees are turning gold. It is so pretty!
It rained 4.29 inches on my bday, and the rain didnt't even start until late afternoon. It broke some sort of record.
The weather has been quite pleasant--warm but not too hot.
I've had a lot of turmoil recently. I am just struggling, and not even always sure with what.

I've been making new friends though. . .talked to a guy from church for a couple of hours on Friday, and I met another guy today and we did random errands and eating together today.

It was a pretty cool day.


I feel weird. It's the 19 thing. Whoopdedoo! I'm no longer a minor in CO! But I feel old. It's like being a tween. maybe more like tweenty. between teens and 20 or something. please tell me to shut up now. Ima go read Mad's blog

I'm getting old

I've spent hours upon hours working on designing a nice profile for Danyo.

I've been talking to Liz a lot via text.

I want to stay 18 until I turn 25. I'm dreading turning 19. And I really don't know why. But the cool thing about being 25 is you finally have all the important adult freedoms. (21 isn't it!) Because at 25, you can drive, vote, smoke, drink, and GET A RENTAL CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh and if the housing market doesn't change much by the time I'm 25 and I do well with saving my extra money, I might have enough for a down payment on a house.

I'm tired. I'm going to Safeway to get some dark chocolate(I must be craving antioxidants because I sure do get a lot between the dark chocolate and large quantities of green tea I consume) and I'm going to clean my room. Because my mom will be here in 24 hours and my room looks bad!!!

Time (but God)

How is it that we live in the realm of time but at the same time we live outside of it? We are eternal creatures with a temporal life. A life within Life.

At this time in my life, I am finishing the day that marks one week prior to the commencement of my 20th year. I'm going to be that weird age of 19 next Thursday. I'm telling Liz, my newest sister that I wasted over 3 years of my life on one specific entity. I wish I could get those 3 years back. I wish I could have the spiritual maturity that she has. At her age, I was a mess. I was in Bible College and on my way to failure.

But God

has rescued me from myself
has blessed me with so much more than I thought I would see
has given me a joy that I can't explain


It's been almost two years since I left Bible College.
And those two years have held a lot of memories, both good and bad.
Sometimes it seems that the time has gone by so fast, sometimes it seems as though it was ten times as long.

I can get down about my failures over the years. Why can't I be like those younger than I who love God in a way I didn't before?

But that time is nothing compared to eternity. I wasted but now is the time for me to lay aside the weight of my past and press toward heaven. As Evan would sing, "I'm living for the heavenlies" I'm living my life as a citizen of heaven, making my time count. Much of the past 19 years will not survive the fire but I want to make whatever remaining time I have matter. I wanna pack in the gold and silver.

I messed up but God restored


Am I delirious? It's late

Babies Everywhere!

I am now watching two kids! I've been watching Edison since 19 May and Katie since 8 August.
Edi is just a few days shy of 6 months and Katie is just over 10 weeks old. Seriously, carrying around two baby monitors is crazy!

Edi

Oh Edi and I have a lot of fun together. He can sit up now-and he's only 5 months old! His new way of talking is a little fake cough. He likes it when we imitate him. He also grunts a lot, but his grunts and groans are being replaced by coughs. It's so fun to watch him grow!

On

I can't turn my mind off. Or my heart.

Jeepers!

Well, I had a fabulous two days of Jeeping through the mountains near Buena Vista (everyone here says Buna Vista, we don't know how to speak Mexican! heehee)

I will put some pics up real soon, but I am so tired. I'd best get to sleep.

I need to make some pies tomorrow(the kind with tomatoes and cheese)
and I need to be ready to be a good nanny for Edi. What a cutie pie!
He's just learned how to sit up! And he is only 5 1/2 months old! That's him in the cabin in Buney

Envision

We envision a thriving Colorado Springs in which all people can reach their full potential as human beings, free from oppression and discrimination. We envision a region where individual rights are honored, and constitutional rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are upheld for all people.

Sounds good doesn't it?

I took 3 words out of there: "including GLBT people"


We envision a thriving Colorado Springs in which all people, including GLBT people, can reach their full potential as human beings, free from oppression and discrimination. We envision a region where individual rights are honored, and constitutional rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are upheld for all people.


Does it make you angry now?

It seriously makes me so upset to see Christians getting so offended and irate about such statements. Is a homosexual somehow less of a person? No!!! Why do so many in the church treat homosexuality as the unpardonable sin? Why do Christians tell gay people they are going to hell instead of just telling them of the grace that covers our sin and theirs? Have we forgotten that we are also sinners? Have we forgotten that the law is the law, and once it's broken it's broken? It doesn't matter if you broke it once or a million times--you broke it!

For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. For He who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder."Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:10-13


Do we speak and act as those who will be judged by the law of liberty--the law of Moses?
Do we forget that we have cheated, we have lied, we have lusted?
That we have put work, money, dreams & aspirations, relationships, or even sleep before our God?
Why must homosexuality cause so much more uproar than other extramarital sexual relations?
Why does it seem to be so much worse than any other sin?

What about partiality?

The ground at the foot of the cross is level--there is no superiority or inferiority there.
But there is sometimes a lack of humility in the church and some create a pedestal for themselves and a pit for others. I'm guilty of partiality.

Guess what James right before the above verses:

My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?
Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called?
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. James 2:1-10.

How often do we, as Christians, create in our minds a whole character just by appearance?
We stereotype. We fit a person into our ideas instead of getting to know them as a brother or sister; a fellow child of God. And we treat them according to our perceptions. What does it matter what one has here on earth. We came into this world with nothing, and so we leave.

Are we treating the "different" as royal heirs to an eternal fortune?
How often do we "love"people to death;
driving them away from our Lord by our so-called love, which is really quite the opposite?
Should we not instead love them to Life?
Can we direct our ways so as to make a person want to have what we have?
So many regard us with disdain on account of our actions.
We make Jesus look terrible!

Brothers and sisters,
I encourage you to live your life in accordance with the gospel.
Let people see by your actions that it really is good news.


call me corny but:
I envision a thriving church in which all people (including GLBT people) can learn their value as human beings, free from partiality and discrimination. I envision a church where individuals are loved, and drawn to Christianity and want to seek true life, liberty and the pursuit of holiness for all their days.

Life is good

I'm laying in the hammock out front. It's a beautiful night. The temperature is perfect. There is a gentle breeze rustling the leaves above me. I hear crickets chirping their nightsong. I can spot a few bright stars through the branches. I'm amazed. God has given me so much. I did nothing to warrant such blessing. I live in the most beautiful place i have seen. I have the job I've dreamed of for many months. I'm so happy, and i almost never know why. Life is good. I'm satisfied. I'm fulfilled. There are things i want, but they don't seen so pressing in light of my life with my Lover. Life is good

Smiling at the Clouds

it's so cloudy.
the wind howls.
storms come blowing in so fast.
lightening, thunder, and rain abound.
then its clear, and sunny days of clear skies reign again.



Funny, I heard this song before I moved and it made me think of the Springs. Well, guess where Miss Nordeman is from. . .

Hello, Mr. Darkcloud
Never thought that we would meet so soon
Never thought I’d bundle up in June
Funny how the fog rolls
Funnier that I’d know who to blame
Never thought I’d have to own this pain
If all that’s good and true
comes from heaven
Then what’s a girl to do
when it rains?

And I’m sayin’
Why, why, why, why?
I’m shakin’ a fist in the dark,
and I’m askin’
Why, why, why, why?
Why does it keep getting harder
To say thanks?

Even fields of flowers
Dressing in their best because of You
Knowing they are blessed to be in bloom
But what about November
When the air is cold and wet winds blow
Do they understand why they can’t grow?

And I’m sayin’
Why, why, why, why?
I’m shakin’ a fist in the dark,
and I’m askin’
Why, why, why, why?
Why does it keep getting harder
To say thanks?

And I could not pretend
to know the difference
Between the storms You send
and those I find
And I'm askin

And I’m sayin’
Why, why, why, why?
I’m shakin’ a fist in the dark,
and I’m askin’
Why, why, why, why?
Why does it keep getting harder
To say thanks?

"To Say Thanks" Nichole Nordeman


but i'm happy. i wouldn't trade this for the world.
sometimes it's just hard to have so many unanswered questions

Desire

The fire's lit and brightly burning
I want to know: is it true?
Is this longing and strong yearning
Desire in my heart from You?
Is it just flesh ambitious
Living present by the past?
Is it just self-made wishes,
Will it still and always last?
I know I say I want to go
But is it in Your plan for me?
Lord, please by open doorway show
I want eyes for Your plan to see
Take away all I want
And show me what I need
Let not adversity daunt
But only Your Word heed
Let me be quiet and still
And speak Lord Jesus to my heart
Not mine, but only Your will
I want to never from it part
--2005
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

The Writings of a Child

[no title]
I don't get it, how can this be
that the King of all would die for me?
I'm dirty, I'm filthy
But with righteousness he'll fill me?
He was nailed to that would
Even though he did all that he should
There's been a mistake, I did the sin!
You say it's because my heart he wants to win?
He did this by his love divine,
And now he wants my light to shine?
The death of this Man
Was only to save all that He can?
I need only on Him believe?
For everlasting life to receive?
The God of glory died that day
That all could then say,
"I've seen the truth, I've seen the Light,
My gloom became joy, I have day from the night."
I'll live with my Lord
Forever, but never bored
For to Him daily I'll give
My most fervent heartfelt praise
It'll fill my days
I'll worship Him always
My praise daily I'll give
During the eternity in which I'll live
Even now I'll do the same
Living for His glory and His fame
Proclaiming to all me,
"Open your hearts, let the Saviour in
Give Him your heart
And from eternal death you'll part
Yes, to Him all give
And get ready for the most exciting life you can live
Choose to on Him wait
And He'll show you many things great
He'll make you whiter than snow
And give you more joy than you could ever know
So please, all to him turn
For now you did learn
That it's Him you need
For eternal life guaranteed
I've seen Him, I know that it's true
That why I'm telling you
Confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus
The One who from sin frees us
Lay aside all things petty
And now for heaven you're ready
Now don't you see
How great this life can be?
Following Him who died yet rose on day the third?
(You'll find that in the Bible, His word)
Jesus is Lord, God and Saviour
Please accept this wonderful favour!"

Sunset

I guess if I'm going to be so negative about California I can at least admit that I had so much fun with the Torres boys and Ashley yesterday.

We went to the beach in Torrey Pines, and just chilled there (I was the only one who wanted to get wet, and so I did!!!)

I felt that fresh salty air again. I gazed at the spanse of the ocean. And I had some delicious times with friends. I think the spectacular sunset as we drove on PCH really brought me back to terms with this Land of Fruits and Nuts.

What a way to commence summer! But I must say, watching a Rocky Mountain Sunset will probably make me hate California again. Hahaha. So fickle!


Katie and I went to the beach on Thursday night, and we had a lot of fun there. And Murphy hates us, especially when we are together I think, so what could go wrong DID go wrong. All our stuff got wet and sandified. Then Crystal met us there, and we met back at Katies for a quarter of one movie and a half of another. Go figure. Lol.


So I guess I do have a couple of friends in Cali.

haha, I'm still wondering where everyone is else. . .I have been here for 10 days and seen only Crystal, Katie, and the Torres boys

I still hate California

nice. i was supposed to go to madi's play yesterday and to the beach, but it turned out my friend who was gonna pick me up had family over and couldnt leave

so i sat here at my grandma's


waiting. waiting. waiting. waiting.


finally, six hours later, i went home.

its just been lousy the whole time i've been here. uncle Ben has been wonderful, taking me around and such, but i still feel stuck. no car. haven't got to spend time with ANY friends, but at least i'll see KT tonight.

i've had a cruddy week.
thanks, friends for not responding, or at best, leaving me here
thanks, God, for moving me out of this blasted place. I never guessed you could give me such beauty. I love Colorado.

I want to go back home home

Ok, so I know I said I wanted to come back to California.

I HATE IT!

I have not been to the beach a single time, I've only seen my family, and five minutes of Crystal and five minutes of Karlee. I guess my friends have disappeared or are too busy or something. I don't know since I haven't heard from them.

Big whoop, I've seen family, been to an uncle's graduation, a Fathers' Day get-together, and washed windows. Oh and I went to church. At least I saw Pastor Dan.

And now I sit at home feeling completely useless. I could be exploring a creek or watching Edison instead of sitting here blogging.

Danyo finally did make it to California. . .but he has to stay later than anticipated, so I'm gonna be stuck here longer.

I want to leave. I hate this blasted weather and boredom, etc.

Home Sweet Home

I really really want to go back home.

Ben's graduation is today, and his party is on Saturday. . .but I wish it could be over with.

I miss Colorado, and I've only been here two days. I really don't feel like I belong here. I'm not welcome here, just go ask --. Ugh, I hated being around -- yesterday. I want to see --, but --'s so hateful to me.

yeah, I want to see my friends, but. . .cant y'all just come out and see me? ;)
We Coloradoans are a lot nicer than Californians--just look at how we drive!

Just a few days till I'm back home

Just a few more WEARY days and then, I'll fly away

"I need a man like you"

Marital Pursuit Survey
For the single female

ATTRACTION

What attracts women to men? (character qualities & preferable circumstances)

Gentleness—if they’re rough and rowdy, it annoys me so much!

Chivalry—it may seem old fashioned in liberal feminism . . . but guys are stronger than women and it’s a sign of willingness to help make up for where she lacks as opposed to taking advantage

Strength—a man needn’t be extremely muscular, but should be strong in many ways. I don’t want a spineless ninny! He should be able to make his own decisions, make his own living and his own home (no, not like a carpenter!). He should be able to lead a healthy, happy life without a woman, but shouldn’t want to!

Appreciation—Even if he can do pretty much everything on his own, he should appreciate a woman’s touch—the cheerful decorations, the fabric softener that he usually forgets, the matching silverware, etc. She should feel appreciated but should not be relied upon for everything. Her thoughtfulness should be appreciated. Somehow men get by without attention to detail, but when she remembers to pack food for him, or makes sure he doesn’t forget his wallet, a "thank you, what would I do without you?" is one of the best things he could say.

Spontaneity—Think creatively; show her you care in unusual ways. Be willing to bend the rules a bit. However, if overdone, it can be irresponsible.

Cleanliness—But don’t make the Axe so strong I can taste it! And don’t leave your socks everywhere. My olfactory skills are likely more refined than yours. Sweat isn’t bad if it’s not too often . . . or 3 days old

Honesty—Be frank and candid. "brutally honest" is a major no-no!

What repels women from men? (character flaws & detestable circumstances)
Arrogance & Pride—These are not a strength but a weakness!

Rudeness—We pay attention to how you treat the cashiers, waiters, petitioners ;), etc. And I’m usually too quiet to say hi, so step up!

Wandering eye—Breaking eye contact with me to stare at some other girl is rude and belittling. Even if I’ve no claim to you or you to me, pay attention and engage, even if it is boring!

Insulting—Don’t insult me, your family, friends, etc. Yeah, you can tell me what you’re upset about, but name calling is a juvenile way to talk and I fear you’ll do it to me. It damaging! And I will lose respect. It a major form of pride. I’d like to see some meekness and humility and I will respect you for it. It’s a natural response.

Insincerity—I can see through charm. If it’s not sincere, I’ll soon know.

What are the top 3 most important qualities women want in a husband?
(in descending order)

Strong in the faith—priorities have to be right

Loving

Decent appearance-wise—note I only said decent, this is really more of how you take care of yourself than what colour your eyes or hair are or how big your biceps are


What are the top 3 things that would make you say "I could never marry him"
about a man? (in descending order)

Doesn’t have God as his greatest priority

Lack of trust—I’ve got to be able to entrust my life to him!

irresponsibility

What are the differences between confidence, arrogance, and intimidation?
Confidence—"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

arrogance—"I can do all things"

intimidation—"you can do nothing"

RELATIONSHIP

What are the 5 most important guidelines by which you want your husband to
treat you, interact with you, or communicate with you?

Commitment—willingness to work through problems, not run from them in order to keep the marriage alive

Love—a conscious choice to put aside one’s wants and needs in order to elevate another’s. Servanthood; sacrifice that does not regard the merit or response of its object

Listen—to what I do and don’t say. Reading a woman’s mind is impossible, but reading her subtle actions is not—it just takes time

Protect—be it from the neighbour’s rabid pit bull or a defiant teenage daughter. He should stand up for his other half

Cherish—he should have only 2 things to expect and remain with till the day he dies—God and his wife. The object of a lifelong relationship should have a lot of attention and value; and should be the centre of, not just portions of his life

How do you want to be viewed by your husband?
Irreplaceable

Interesting

Attractive—in character and to the eye

Faithful

His other half

What are the top 3 things you want to be to your husband (in his mind)?
(in descending order)
A faithful and willing servant and helper

The 2^nd best (only to Christ) decision of his life

Beautiful—even when my hair turns grey and I get lots of wrinkles

What are the top 3 things you could never do without in your marriage?
(in descending order)
Love—as defined before

Unity

Attraction

PURSUIT & FEELINGS

How do you know if a man is ready for marriage?
*He’s learned selflessness

*Has a strong, adult faith

*Actions don’t make one second-guess his age

*He’s got to have the go-ahead from the Lord

*He can support a family

How do you know if you are ready for marriage?
*I’ve got to be ready for kids. I won’t intend to have them right away, but things happen! I won’t "feel" ready, but as long as I’m capable. . .

*Got to hear it from the Lord!

*I can deal with him patiently, and am happy to make up for his mistakes cheerfully . . . like socks lying around! I have to have learned selflessness

*I can put aside all my desires to help him achieve his

What is the difference (if possible) between noticing attractive qualities
and ’being attracted’?
In avoidance of periphrasis:

"I’d like my husband to be like that" vs. "I’d like him to be my husband"

What is the difference (if possible) between ’being attracted’ and having a
’crush’?

Interest in, and pondering the possibility of marriage vs. childish emotional obsession


What does it mean to ’fall in love’?

To fall into attraction. To fall into obsessive emotional bliss . . . it’s a misnomer . . . it really has nothing to do with true love and can exist with or without love.


Do you believe you can ’fall out of love’?

Love never fails. But the preposition "in" or "out" signals love is just an alias for feelings. Feelings change. Love doesn’t


Without a doubt Men will always find attractive qualities in other women,
even after marriage. How does this make you feel, and what would you wish
he’d do about it?

*BE HONEST!

*the grass always [seems] greener—is it fantasy or realistic. Noticing good qualities and dwelling on them are different. (be careful how you word suggestions!!!)

*Take every thought captive

*I’d become jealous, but also pay attention to his response. Does he say, "I wish you were more like her!" or "I’m glad you’re my wife!"

*am I doing what I can for him?

+ spending time together

+ having romance (just me and him for something other than paying the bills or going to church!)

+ "getting pretty" for him

How often do you contemplate marriage?
Every day, throughout the day!

How often do you evaluate your male acquaintances as potential husbands?
*well, until I see one of the top 3 things that make me say I could never marry him, which is usually pretty fast!

*then, there’s the factor of attraction

*and compatibility—a balance between our strengths and weaknesses and if they complement each other

How often do you evaluate yourself as a potentially good wife?
all the time. I try to work on skills and attitudes all the time (basically to cheerfully run a household for another person). Any time I run into something trying, I try to shut up my complaints by realising it’s not just going to make me a better person, but a more patient wife. And when I see selfishness and pride, it’s a reminder that I’ve a long way to go . . . and I see those a LOT!

DECISIONS

Would you rather strive to grow through a rough marriage or just get a
divorce?

The temptation would be to be lazy . . . but there are consequences to such a decision. It is best to react in obedience to such trials!!!

What’s more important in a potential husband, strong leadership skills or
his life headed in the right direction? Why?

Leadership skills could be leading in the wrong direction! If his life is headed in the right direction, it will motivate me to accompany him, which could potentially boost his confidence as a leader. And is he’s headed in the right direction, God will provide the necessary skills. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him"


Would you prefer a man who has an extensive romantic history with women or a
man who has never been romantically involved prior to seeking your hand in
marriage? Why?

I’d prefer one who never has been involved. Although he may lack the finesse, I wouldn’t have to fear comparison or feel as though I wasn’t worth the wait. I would have difficulty believing one was serious if he’s gone through romances.


What do you absolutely need to know about a man before you can consider
marrying him?
*I’d pretty much want to know the story of his life—he needs to be open and honest about his successes and failures.

*He has to be sold out for God

Would you rather marry a strong leader you can submit to or have the
majority of the control in the marriage?
I should like to submit to a man who is submitted to Christ. I should be able to have a say in important matters, but I don’t want to have the only say!


PREPERATION

What must a man know about you before you can consider marrying him?
He’d need to know my insecurities and my weaknesses and be able to back me up

What is the 1 concept about women you feel men just don’t ’get’?
*Affection is an effective tool against emotional outbursts! To ignore me angers me even more (even if I tell you to leave me alone!)

*Body language—if you can read me and beat me to doing something before I say it, it’s a sign you care and listen and are paying attention (the one thing we always want)

What is the 1 concept about men you feel women just don’t ’get’?
They can’t read our minds, even though we can read theirs.

What do you feel is genuine commitment?
to give lifelong priority to someone

How does commitment differ from regular day to day decisions and endeavors?
Commitment calls for a future—the day to day decisions and endeavors made in a committed relationship may vary from those between casual friends because they will reflect commitment

How important is physical, emotional, and conversational affection to you?
All of the above are very important to have every day!

How exclusively yours do you want your husband’s affection to be?
In terms of women, all mine

In terms of life, I’d want to be a part of everything. If not physically present, I’d still like to know about what happens, even if not in detail. (Say, if you go golfing with friends, I don’t need to go, but tell me who was there and what the weather was like. You don’t have to tell how well everyone did, just who "everyone" was!)


PERSONAL

How often do you worry that you may never get married? Why?
a lot!—I see very few men around; they all seem to be children!

Are you content as a single woman? Why?
I really want to get married, but I’m fine with waiting because I feel that I’m not ready. I need to grow in maturity and in an attitude of servanthood

How would you define ’dating’?
Kinda like going and trying on clothes before you buy them, to see how they look on you, how they fit, the price. This, as opposed to being measured and having them made to fit!

Do you want to ’date’ before marriage? Why or why not?
No, the One who made me knows me better than even I do, and I trust that He’ll bring along someone "tailored" to my personality and needs. It makes perfect sense!

Mad1	I agree with almost everything you said, especially your reason for worrying about not getting married. It's very true. I admit I disagree with the one second before last...but I see your point. Now what we need is a survey like this for a man to take :) Posted by Mad1 on March 31, 2008 - Monday at 12:08 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

'this are a clean rags'

WOW!!! these are the most profound, introspective, eloquent answers i've gotten yet! Maybe you should help me write the book! Posted by 'this are a clean rags' on May 26, 2008 - Monday at 2:54 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]